I’ve mentioned in here before that I don’t sleep at night, and have taken sleeping pills irregularly for a few years now.  Recently I started doing a set of two-per-four-days, which worked out well.  I stopped taking them when I thought I might be pregnant, and haven’t taken them since.

Although I’ve been very fatigued, I still can’t sleep regularly.  This evening I went down to the Pharmacy to talk to one of the people behind the counter about their safety during pregnancy.  I told the woman behind the counter that I recently found out I was pregnant, and was worried about the safety of these pills… Immediately she snatched them from my hand.  She looked them up in her book and told me they’re in the highest class for causing serious deformities.  I felt completely blank as she was talking to me, and I suppose didn’t catch her question, “And what /other/ drugs have you taken?”.  I started to lose it, and told her I didn’t know, which probably didn’t make the impression she had of me look any better.   She prompted me to tell her more, saying something along the lines of, “so I can look up how damaging they are.”

I asked her if I should worry about the pills I took prior to knowing I was pregnant.  She smiled and told me to talk to my doctor, get screened, “And then you’ll have to decide what you feel is right after you get your results.”    I ran out crying.  I can’t believe she even eluded that I terminate my pregnancy.  Aren’t pharmacists supposed to be helpful and knowledgable and know better then to terrify a pregnant woman?…

I sobbed the whole drive home.  I talked to my mother, who was furious.  She said she recognizes the woman, she’s frequently nasty to all the customers and gets many complaints.  She’s apparently been trying to have a baby for just under a year unsuccessfully.  I forgot I hadn’t been wearing makeup, had put on baggy clothes and had my hair tied back – I looked like a young teenager.  Perhaps she was insulted when I came up and announced I was pregnant.

My mother assured me that what I take is a common pill, and it’s likely many women have taken it in their first few weeks without knowing it.  That she knows nothing is wrong with my baby, and “serious deformities” to this woman could mean a cleft palate.   I’m terrified I’ve hurt my baby.  First thing on Monday I’m going to ask if I can get screened, and the /real/ risks of taking this sedative prior to knowing I was pregnant.  Curtis is perfectly calm.  “There’s nothing wrong,” he told me, “And even if there was it doesn’t effect our love.”  He’s assured in the idea that if there was something wrong, my body would have aborted by this time.  

I can’t believe she’d even mention abortion…

— Babs



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