Giant Yellow Johnson

We have neighbors across the street who want to think they’re super rich (they very well might be, for all I know). They have this gigantic, 30-ft long (probably more) “Empress” RV thing that they occassionally drive across town with. They’re never gone with it more than a few hours. Where the fuck do they park it? Whenever they leave in it, I can always hear their two Pekanese dogs barking from the front seat. They carry their purse-dogs in the front seat while they drive. With bows in their hair. *shudder*.
They also have a day-glo yellow hummer which the gentleman drives everywhere. He looks to be in his late 40’s. As I walked by it today, parked outside a night club, I noticed that he carries five boxes of tissues on his dashboard. Inwardly I thought it must be for all the jerking off he does as he drives, because he must be so aroused by himself in his Teenage Penis car.

I think penis cars are sad, really I do. When I see trucks with gigantic wheels on them, I think “white trash” and “little dick”. It’s always teenage boys, or men who want to be teenage boys driving them. It’s like seeing the boys walk around shirtless with that slouch they do to try and show off their abs to people that pass by. At least some of you must know what I’m talking about. It’s so obnoxious. We see it, you have abs, good for you. Look, a mirror! Go get it!

Fuck you, etc:

YOU. Don’t call my husband fat.
YOU. Don’t call my daughter stupid.
YOU. Stop talking to me about it, I don’t care and it’s not as important as you think it is.
YOU. Don’t call yourself stupid.
YOU. Didn’t try at all, and I think you’re a whiner who had NO intention to do it in the first place.
YOU. Can be the world’s biggest asshole and sometimes I think I want to stop speaking to you out of spite if I didn’t know how incredibly immature that was.
YOU. Don’t forget your friends, they’re important too.

End rant.

I went to another chiropractic appointment today, with another new chiropractor. The guy that actually owns the practice came back. I don’t like him, he’s very… stiff. I really liked the last guy that was a locum and I wish I could track him down.
He’s not as gentle, either. He adjusted my hip and my back four times and it actually hurt quite a bit, not like the other times. I got a migraine when I got home, too. The first in over a month. I felt it creeping up on me all through the walk home.

It probably didn’t help that I walked by two smokers. I’m very allergic to cigarette smoke, it gives me migraines almost instantly. It just takes one whiff. Both of the smokers were pushing baby strollers. I have never seen so many smoking mothers with small babies then I have since moving here. It absolutely disgusts me. They hold it about 12 inches above the baby’s face because they think the ‘wind blows it away’. Right, because the crap on your clothes, hair and breath accounts for nothing. If you smoke, and you’re not trying to quit for the sake of your children, the LEAST you could do is not smoke anywhere NEAR them. And I don’t mean sitting next to them holding the cigarette away from their face, I mean actually not near them. Smoking next to your children, especially your infant, is like passive child abuse. 
I am aware I will offend a great number of people by writing that.

Curtis cut off half his fingernail with a knife the other day. He was chopping lettuce, and the knife slipped. I heard him swearing and exclaiming that he’d cut off ‘half his nail’. I thought he was exaggerating, but then he showed me. All I saw was blood and for a moment I thought we should run to the hospital. He ran into the bathroom, I ran into the kitchen (because the element was on). He had spilled something on it which briefly sparked fire. Still in a panic when I saw it, my mind screamed, “Baking soda or cornstarch? Baking soda or corn starch!?” – then I blew on it.
Curtis washed the wound and put a dab of tee trea oil on it before bandaging it. Somewhere between 1/2 and 1/3 of his index fingernail is gone. He really only nicked the skin, it just looked like a lot more blood at first. Hurts like crazy.

I had a domain. I didn’t share it, because I was unsure of it. The webhosts are asshats, and charged me $50 where they were supposed to charge me $13. I’m cancelling, changing, etc… I might share it after this is all worked out and I know that having ten billion visitors from OD/LJ won’t max my bandwidth. I hate web hosts sometimes.

— Babs



Categories: Uncategorized


  • beebeeann says:

    I hate smokers, too.

    It’s baking soda.

    Just in case it happens again. πŸ˜‰

  • salisya says:

    Not offended at all

    I smoked till I got pg with my 1st. Then I started up again after he weaned himself at 3.5 years. I made it a point to never smoke around him. I’ve even told people I was visiting with my son to either smoke outside (of their own house) or I would leave. I had a lot of grumbling from a few, but they still respected my request and chose not to smoke at all with me there.

    About 7 months before I got pg with my 2nd baby, I had completely quit. She is now 16 months and I have not even been close to craving one. Yea me!
    When I started reading your post a show came on (Top Gear) with a guy driving a day glow yellow hummer and boosting about it.
    Too funny.

    • admin says:

      Re: Not offended at all

      GOOD FOR YOU about quitting. That’s fantastic. πŸ™‚

      Yellow hummers seem to be popular. Of all the hummers I’ve seen (which is probably four in my lifetime) they’ve all been yellow. Why is that? Probably more noticable… “LOOK AT MY PENIS CAR! NOTICE ME!!”


  • housepoet says:

    “Smoking next to your children, especially your infant, is like passive child abuse.
    I am aware I will offend a great number of people by writing that. “

    I say f them. They should know what they are doing is WRONG.

    Did you kiss Curtis’ finger and make it all better for him? πŸ˜‰

    • admin says:

      Hehe. πŸ˜›
      About the smoking… sometimes I am so tempted to say something snide. It disgusts me that much. I just can’t stand it. I hate smokers with a fiery passion, I really do. My mother said my hatred comes from the love of my grandmother, whom I lost to smoking… she meant everything, everything to me. She was my light. I had a nervous breakdown when she died.

      I’ll stop now.

  • altarflame says:

    You don’t offend me about the cigarettes. People need to hear that. And the business with penis cars -whoo, that is funny.

  • goh! i have another frined on lj whose husband lopped off a similar hunk o finger, ocheugnicghhrrffagh!!!
    i’ve oft wondered why my husband has not ever expressed interest in a penis car. if anyone needs one, it’s him.
    the saddest thing is picking up a baby and noticing that it’s sweet little head smells like cigarettes. how mean!

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