Love Letters

Without you here, the room seems so much darker when the lights are out.  It’s so quiet I can’t sleep, and so cold that I sleep with three blankets and three cats.   I’ve had the heat on since you left; I suppose I never appreciated how warm you always keep me.  It’s been so long since you were this far away that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to miss you this much.  One month is a snapshot in our life together, but it feels like so much longer.  

Trying to cook without you here is a disaster, I suppose once our children are older my creations will either become tolerable or we’ll depend on you entirely.  A friend told me recently that only someone with my unique culinary skills could burn water, which is why she never let me cook near her.  I should kiss the Earth in thanks of your skill, and love for the kitchen.  Without you I think I would eventually die of food poisoning.  I made myself some fish sticks this evening, and I didn’t even mar the pan.  I know you would be proud.

I had a dream last night of giving birth to a daughter.  As she emerged we reached down into the pool to pull her up onto my chest, bringing her into this world together, just as we created her.  We cried because she looked just like us.  When our hour alone with her was spent, you came out to tell our friends and family what she looked like.  “She has ten fingers and toes!” you announced.  “In total?” her Goddess-mother quipped.  I woke myself up laughing, because it’s an exchange I can easily envision happening.

Your baby kicks more often now, I feel movements several times a day, and most often at night when I lay down to go to sleep.  I have a feeling this baby is going to take after you, and keep me awake with wiggles and nudges.  Perhaps then I’ll put him or her between us to sleep, so that you can delight in this experience with me.  You’re the type of person who will enjoy being roused at six o’clock in the morning to play; you’ve always been a morning person.  The kind that seems cloyingly happy to people like me, who value the three hours they manage to catch during grueling battles with insomnia.  But I love you just the same.  

I miss you.

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