I mean really how many copies of the newsletter do I need

In the spirit of trying to write more posts, even short ones, when I have something I want to talk about rather than waiting a month to putt it all together…

You know what’s really damn annoying about having kids of various ages in different schools? Getting those mass “class emails” with special dates, notifications, general information or reminders about schedule changes with ABSOLUTELY NO CLUES about whose class or even what school its from. This is doubly annoying if all the notes and emails are from a “class rep” or PTA member who just signs all of them with shit like “janet” (sometimes teachers do this too: sign the email with only their first name, as if I’m supposed to know that. I met you once, for ten minutes, four months ago!).
This was especially ridiculous when we had Marika, and were getting regular emails from the high school, Tempest’s elementary school, and Xan’s preschool all at the same time. I mean I’d get this random shit like 9 times a week. Remember that there’s swimming on Friday! There’s a book order form due two days from now! The mysterious ‘term project’ should be handed in on Thursday! There’s an emergency early closure tomorrow at noon so make sure to pick up your kids no later than 12:08 otherwise we’ll call CPS! Also there’s a lice check tomorrow morning performed by uneducated clods who can’t tell the difference between eggs and dandruff and we only stock latex gloves that we’ll never change between checking heads so fuck you and your kid’s severe latex allergy!

Or you know, something like that anyway.

Sometimes the class rep/PTA people even email from their husband’s accounts, or their work accounts, which makes things even worse! So just when you thought you’d remembered that the mysterious “janet” is from your son’s 3rd grade class, now you’re getting emails from “Mike in accounting” about a fucking lice check tomorrow morning and make sure your girls’ hair isn’t in braids and you’ve got two braid-loving girls in two different schools so WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS APPLY TO?! Asking your kids gets you nowhere because no matter what the question they all respond with this glassy-eyed stare and half-hearted shrug.

If you take the risk of emailing “janet” and asking which class this is for, you can expect one of three things to happen.
One: you get a response at 12:36am on the day of the event, which is an email you just so happen to miss because you were passed out in front of a Netflix binge of “Orange is the new Black”.
Two: you get a passive-aggressive email that, while it does let you know whose class its from, also gives you a healthy dose of, “omg, what kind of mother really doesn’t know the name, email address, marital status and child information of every class rep, PTA member and their dogs? omg bad mom alert jesus” and you get a tongue-clucking by half the parents during pick-up hour for the next four months. This effectively defuses any desire to ever email and ask this question ever again.
Three: you get no response at all because your email was sent to Janet’s “Mike in accounting” address and the message is delegated to his junk folder because no one at his work knows what the fuck you’re talking about.

No parent of multiple children is going to memorize the first name and email address of every goddamn person who ever wrote a notice about class, ever. We are busy enough people as it is, and some of us even hold down part or full time jobs on top of it all. The fact that we remember to wear pants when we leave the house is practically parade-worthy.
The simple solution to this would be to put, “Message from Mrs. Everyonebutyouknowsmyname’s grade 2 class” in the subject line, but CLEARLY THIS IS TOO FUCKING HARD A CONCEPT. The only time I ever see this courtesy is in messages from the principal herself, and generally those are sent directly to you because your kid did something embarrassing like draw pictures of what he saw when he came sneaking into your bedroom at 2am last Friday.

And do not even get me started on this issue when they get into high school, and now have six teachers, two class aides per block, a principal, vice principal, assistant principal, school counsellor, guidance counsellor and medical staff emailing you various crap 20 times a week alongside all the paper garbage they bring home stuffed in the bottom of their backpack and covered in yogurt, reminding you about the 200 fundraisers going on that month. Which of course they forget about until it starts to rot and creates a puzzling aroma that stinks up one side of their bedroom for the next six months. You’d be happy to take care of this serious lapse in personal hygiene for them BUT OMG STAY OUT OF MY ROOM HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF PRIVACY JESUS CHRIST.

Alright I’m done.



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