Here is a current list of what is pissing me off right now:
– Menopause.
– My left eye. It’s all swollen and weird for no reason.
– I have my first sunburn in over ten years. It’s not bad or anything, but still… FIRST! I don’t even remember my last sunburn, and it’s possible this is my first since childhood. It’s almost exciting.
– I am sick and my throat hurts. I’ve been sick over a week now. 🙁
– Allergies are awesome.
– Everything about my car.
– Seriously, what the fuck is going on with my eye?!

It has been a ridiculous few days, from the sick to the baby falling down the stairs and almost having to call 911 for her on her birthday (unrelated to the stairs) and the car breaking down in the middle of the city dump in a huge lineup… in all the commotion we did zero for Z’s first birthday, which is fine because it’s not like we really want or need to do first birthday parties (and quite frankly he idea has always been a little weird for us) but it would have been nice to have a baby cake at home for everyone to enjoy. Maybe we’ll do it next week. Or the week after, seeing as next week I’m across the country and sort of freaking out about it. Traveling scares me.

First, the car.
Last Saturday the kids were home and Curtis was at work on the asscrack-of-dawn shift so we expected him home around 2:30pm. The day before we’d been gardening and had done a major weed, trim, pruning of our yards and had a bunch of debris that needed to be taken to the dump. The dump here has a compostable section, where you can come in and drop off your cans/bags full of yard and tree trimmings (provided they are less than 3″ thick and less than 3′ long) or your household compost if you’re unable to do it in your back yard. The dump will actually tend to their giant compost, break it down, and sell the super enriched proper compost to anyone in the community to help pay for city expenses. It’s actually kind of cool and it’s the first dump I’ve seen that did this.
Anyway. It’s Saturday morning and it’s also our library day that day so when Curtis gets home we’re all packing up and walking down to the village to spend an hour and a half getting out new books and games for the next week, so I wanted to be done with the dump thing before Curtis got home. Aside, the dump was only open until noon on Saturdays. The one issue is that I’m home alone with the kids and Curtis had told me he loaded up the van with the yard waste the night before so I could drop it off, and there was so much of it that he had to take out the back row of seats. That meant removing one of the carseats, which means I can only take two kids with me.
I mentioned to Tempest that I may have to wait until my mom could get over here, but she was adamant that I leave her there alone watching TV while I went and did the dump. It’s like a six minute trip to get there, drop shit off and go home and she’s well old enough for this and has been home “alone” before quite a few times for short trips (and once completely unintentionally in the middle of the night – but that’s another story) so I’m not too worried. I go over the rules with her and remind her that she can easily go to the neighbours or my mom’s place if something happens and she effectively tells me to fuck off so I put the other two in the car and drive off.
Without checking the back of the van.
Because I’m a good partner and I trust Curtis would never do anything to make my time at home with the kids any more difficult.

As soon as I approach the dump I realize this won’t be the short trip I was hoping. Our small municipal dump has a lineup about five blocks long. At 9am on a Saturday. For some stupid reason everyone else got the same idea to do their dumping on Saturday morning and miss the weekday afternoon rush.
I sit in line thinking about Tempest at home and wondering if I should call my mom to send her over there vs. Tempest freaking the fuck out that I didn’t trust her and locking my mother out of the house as she approaches. I eventually decide that even if this took as long as 20 minutes (an obscenely long time for a car trip that takes me 6 minutes to walk) is a totally fine length of time for a kid who is almost nine to be at home surrounded by people she knows. When I was six I was home alone half the day cooking meals for myself in the middle of the goddamn woods, and she is completely independent at home while I’m taking a nap with the baby, so whatever.
It is at this point that I realize it’s a useless idea anyway, as I left my phone at home with her.

The line moves faster than I anticipated, and within about 10 minutes we’re up at the top. The dump is set up with a cul-de-sac at the top so that 5-8 people can park their cars randomly about and do their dumping (though people usually tend to park in a circular way so it makes it easier to get by each other if one person takes a long time). I stay the few extra minutes in the car to wait for the “line” to advance far enough for me to pull up next to the compost area. I don’t want to have to carry heavy loads of garbage pails that far and this will make it easier on me.
Once I pull up I tell Xan I’ll be just a few minutes and ask him to entertain/watch the baby and ensure she stays happy while I’m doing this. I come around to the back of the van and open it… and realize that when Curtis said he “threw everything in the van”, he wasn’t kidding. He just put the yard waste bags DOWN ON THE FLOOR OF THE CAR to line it and threw everything on top of them. Just randomly. JUST RANDOMLY. THE VAN IS COVERED IN A PILE OF YARD WASTE TWO FEET DEEP.

I spend a moment staring at the literal pile of shit in my van in total shock. What the fuck, Curtis? What. The actual. Fuck.

I come out of my daze when I hear Zephyra laughing at my slack-jawed wonder. I’m not entirely sure where to start so I just reach in and start grabbing stuff and immediately get a handful of prickles. There is a random assortment of shit in this shit pile, including rosebush trimmings, stinging nettles and thorny plants. You know, in case this needed to be more fucking challenging. There are no gloves nor anything even remotely protective that I can wear, so I have to grit my teeth and deal with it.
I start taking random piles and dropping them over the edge, but it’s harder than I anticipated. Of course it is. Because the piles are also full of grass and shit so large amounts just fall onto the ground between my fingers.
I’m at this for about five minutes (I know because I can see the car’s clock from where I’m standing with the back open), and am just beginning to make a dent in the pile when a dump employee walks over and stares at the ridiculousness and asks, “Do you need a hand?”
Relieved I answer, “Oh yes, that would be lovely. Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.”
“Well you’re taking forever and holding up the line,” he says gruffly. He spends a long few seconds staring at my tits like he’s angry that they’re on the body of someone so inconsiderate. His creepy look starts to make me feel really exposed by the fact that I wore a spaghetti-strap top on a hot day. I cross my arms. This breaks up the staring contest and he shoulder-checks me to one side to take hold of a stiff broom, which he then uses to sweep all the debris out of the van and onto the ground. The broom has been used to clear crud out of the bottom of the dump trucks, and it’s covered in garbage juice, which leaks all over my van and sprays me from chest to toe as the bristles flick over the bumper of my car.
Picking up on my frustration, Zephyra has started having a good cry and Xan’s attempts to quell her have proven useless so he’s taken to dancing around making obnoxious noises. The more I try to quiet them the worse it gets, so now people are staring at my ridiculous-betittied-garbage-juice-covered-horrible-mother self.
I’m not sure what to do, or if I can do anything at all, so I stand awkwardly to one side while he empties my van. Once that part is done I start picking up handfuls and throwing them over the edge, but this seems to enrage him further so I eventually back off from that as well and just let him take care of it. He’s done in a matter of minutes.
“Thank you very, very much,” I say again. It’s sincere, even though he’s being a jerk about it. “I really appreciate it! You’ve really helped me!”
“Hmf.” He slings the broom over his shoulder and stalks off. Awesome man, that was a real help. Asshole.

The baby is screaming by this point so I spend a few extra minutes nursing her in the front seat until she’s calm enough for me to leave. I strap her in and check Xan’s seatbelt before getting in… but when I put the keys in the ignition and turn it, it doesn’t start. The engine goes click-click-click-click and then the radio comes on. Because that really needed to happen right now. I try a few more times but it’s no use: the car is dead. Inexplicably dead. I can see Mr. Snarlysneer glaring at me from across the lot, still clutching the garbage juice broom, like he’s waiting for me to purposefully fuck up his day like the inconsiderate wench I am. I sit in the front seat and pout for a few more minutes because I really don’t want to get out and have to tell him this. He glares at me the entire time. Waiting.
After taking a deep breath, I get out and approach him. “My car won’t start,” I say meekly.
“OF COURSE IT WON’T.” He drops the broom and grumps his way over to pop my hood. “Start it,” he barks.
I get back in the car and try again. Click-click-click-click. “It’s still doing that.”
“I think it’s your starter.”
“Can you give me a push so I can get out of here?”
“Put it in neutral and put your foot on the brake.” I do, and he starts pushing. We get about 10 feet before he yells, “Turn away!”. I’m not entirely sure what he means by that so I try and turn a little bit. “NO NOT THAT WAY, INTO THE SIDE”. I realize he wants me to park my car on the part of the ramp that expands off to one side so I can clear the lane. I do so, and he tells me to turn off the car so he can look at it again.

I keep thanking him and offering to help, or make his job easier, or maybe just give me a push out so he can go back to work… but he ignores me. Another guy walks over a few minutes later and asks if I need a jump. Before I can respond, Snarlysneer replies, “No it’s her starter” and dismisses him.
“I can get my cables anyway, just in case,” says the other guy. I realize he’s also a dump employee. I lose sight of him almost instantly and have no idea where he’s gone. He doesn’t come back.

Snarlysneer continues to poke under my hood for a little while longer, and then very suddenly slams it down and leaves. I’m not sure if he wants me to follow him, or stay there or what, so I stay put and wait. A few, silent minutes go by.
“I’m really thirsty,” whines Xan.
“We’ll be home soon and can get you some water.”
“I’m really thirsty right now. This is taking hours!
It’s not really taking hours, but it is taking a long time. I could have walked home, and back, 10 times by this point. I sigh. “Okay, let’s go down and find a bathroom or something.” I unbuckle him and take baby out of her seat and we start down toward the office. I leave the car unlocked in case the guy comes back and needs to fiddle with it.

The woman in the office was considerably kinder and sympathized with my situation. She told me it had happened to others before me, so it’s not like I’m the first. That makes me feel better. Apparently they even have a car repair kit in a shed somewhere just for this situation since it happens so often. Except that shed is locked today and no one can get inside it today.
Just as I’m starting to have a comfortable dialogue with someone not feel so awful about this, Snarlysneer shows up and asks for my keys so he can push me out of the dump. It’s a yellow zone directly outside, but the counter person tells me that I call the police and explain the situation they won’t give me a ticket while I wait to get it sorted out. Snarlysneer returns a few moments later and hands me back my keys. Again I try to express my thanks but he just stalks off.
When I find my car outside the dump I realize he’s parked it diagonally across two lanes of traffic and barely anyone can get by. People are glaring at me, honking at me, acting like I did this on purpose to ruin their days. And since Snarlysneer wanted to add a little extra pizzaz to the situation, he also ensured that the car wascompletely blocking someone’s driveway, where they are at home with two cars parked. I just… what? Why would you do that? I cannot possibly leave the car here like this and expect it not to be towed. Or keyed. I begin to wander a circle around the van aimlessly, trying to figure out what to do and if I should just try and go home and leave it here, or if I should try to knock on the guy’s door and ask to use his phone or what.
Out of nowhere the nice employee approaches me in a black SUV and taps his horn to get my attention. “Do you still need help? I have my jumper cables now.”
“Oh my god yes, thank you. If this doesn’t work can you help me push it like six more feet so I’m not blocking both this driveway and the road?”
“Of course.”

He showed me how to set up a jump, which I was grateful for as I have no idea how to do any of that shit, and to our shock the car actually started. We’ve had no problems with the battery before, and no warning that anything was wrong until just now, so I really didn’t think that was the issue. This car is just full of surprises.
I was able to drive it home without issue, and as soon as I pulled in the driveway Tempest came running out (smiling, thank god) and asking what took me so long. I apologized for being so late and explained to her what happened. Thankfully she was totally fine with my being gone for an entire hour and told me that after she finished watching her show and I still wasn’t back she decided to clean up to pass the time, so when I returned the house was actually cleaner than I left it.
I took them out for ice cream since they were so good during that ordeal. Tempest more than Xan, but I can’t exactly not give him any. Sometimes it’s really easy to forget he’s only five years old when I have a little baby and an older child that’s incredibly independent. I can’t put him in the category of a baby, so I put him in the category of an older child and I tend to an I expect more from him than what is reasonable. When I put his behaviour and limitations in perspective of the average kid his age, he does really well, and he did well at the clusterfuck that was our dump trip, too.

Curtis arrived home about an hour later and fiddled with the van a bit. This time the radio wouldn’t even come on when he turned the key. He made the brilliant observation that the battery was indeed dead and that we’d have to buy a new one. Since the afternoon had been pretty exhausting by that point, and we still needed to do our library run, he figured he’d go out the next day to buy a new battery.

AND THAT WAS EVEN MORE FUN.

Sunday was a bust, so we decided to do it on Kid-Free Monday. KFM is a day usually reserved for us to spend alone time together (well, with baby but it still counts). We usually go downtown, or take long walks, or sit at home watching TV or do something that doesn’t involve kids making messes and begging us for things.
Curtis decides he wants to bike out to the Canadian Tire bright and early for a battery. I don’t want him to, because I don’t want to ruin our day together, and he reluctantly agrees to wait until the late afternoon when the kids are home. He spends half the day making commentary about how he could have been there and back without issue, because I don’t know, he wants to be a jerk about it. We have a few terse conversations but overall the day goes fine in spite of that.
At around 3:30 Curtis gets on his bike and heads out. I ask him to text me when he arrives and when he leaves so I know what his approximate ETA is.
About 45 minutes later he sends a text to say he’s arrived, bought the battery already, and is on his way back.
15 minutes after that he says his back tire on his bike BLEW UP and now he has to take the bus, but has no change.
10-15 minutes after that he texts me that he went to a few stores but no one would give him change until he bought something, so he picked up a bag of chips and finally got bus fare. The next bus comes in 20 minutes for some reason, so he waits.
35 minutes later he texts me to say that the bus arrives, he gets onto the bus carrying the bag with the new (sealed) battery and pays his fare, gets off to put his bike on the rack, gets back on again and goes to sit down and then the bus driver tells him he is not permitted to ride the bus with “hazardous and extremely dangerous materials” and that he has to leave. Curtis fights this, because the car battery is BRAND NEW AND SEALED. He even has the receipt and a bag, for crissakes. The bus driver watched him pay the fare, put his bike up and all that before he said a word… but now he’s adamant. He even calls another driver on the radio and confirms that no, you are not allowed to ride the bus with a brand new, sealed car battery. Because it’s hazardous waste and could he could use it to terrorize people. He kicks him off and drives away without even apologizing for taking the fare.

So now Curtis is stranded with a 20lb battery, an unridable bike that has only one tire, and no money. It would take about two hours to get home on foot, but he starts walking anyway.
A text message argument ensues about whether or not he should call a cab (he believes it’s a waste of money, I believe him taking two hours to walk home is a waste of time if the cab fare is only going to be like $12), and after almost an hour of him insisting he’s not arguing with me, he finally relents and calls one. When he arrives home I pay with the credit card. It’s now so late we have no time to make dinner, so we order pizza. It was a tense dinner.

I fucking hate my car. So fucking much.


Right after the car ordeal I came down with some sort of throat thing, and my throat has been swollen up ever since. I could easily sleep 20 hours a day if I had the chance, and never seem to recover from the perpetual sick-exhaustion. I’ve been sneaking naps in with the baby whenever I have the chance, and it’s still not enough. Being sick in the summertime is a special kind of hell. When you’re sick in the winter it’s expected: everyone knows it’s “nondescript cold and flu” season, you’re ready for that shit and the days are short and relatively boring anyway so it’s not like you’re missing much. But sick in the summertime? That’s not cool. Beautiful sunshine, warm weather, events and all sorts of interesting stuff is going on… to be stuck at home full of bacteria is wildly unfair. I feel like I have missed EVERYTHING. It’s depressing.

This weekend was a big event put on by our municipality called the “tea party”. There’s a parade, a midway, games, rides, events, pancake breakfasts and fireworks and all that jazz… the kids go to it every year and look forward to it. Tempest has been in the parade the last few years, and this is the first year we haven’t had any notification from her teachers about participation so we assumed they weren’t participating this time. Through the entire week she was asking me if we could somehow sneak her into the parade without anyone noticing.
I swallowed the sick on Saturday so I could get up and take the kids to the parade. We woke up early and I got everyone ready to go. While I was upstairs doing my makeup, Zephyra made her way down the stairs to play with the elders. She was down there no more than a few moments before I heard a horrible scream. There was no thud precipitating it, so nothing fell on her. I ran to the stairs and saw Tempest carrying her up.
“She’s throwing up everywhere and is really fussy.”
As soon as I saw her something just didn’t seem right. I don’t know to explain it, she just looked “off”. I had this feeling of dread like she’d swallowed something. I looked in her mouth but couldn’t see anything. I did a finger sweep and found nothing there either. She was hysterical, and her cry didn’t sound right. It was like it was hollow, like she was crying through a tube. I felt her forehead for a fever, and while she was flushed from the hysteria she didn’t appear to have a temperature.
“Did you see her eat anything, Tempest? Is there anything on the floor where you found her?”
“No.”
I handed her a towel. “Put this over where she threw up, but first look at it and tell me if you see anything in the throw up that isn’t milk.”
“Okay”. She left immediately and returned 15 seconds later. “It’s just milk and spit. I cleaned it up.” In retrospect I’m kind of amazed at her ability to do that without balking. She didn’t even hesitate before she literally pawed through baby puke to ensure there was nothing else in it.
Zephyra was still screaming. Every 30-45 seconds she’d gag hard, turn purple, heave violently and then start screeching again. She appeared to be in a lot of pain. I kept looking in her mouth, sweeping, and finding nothing.
I pointed at my purse. “Get me my phone,” I said, “I’m going to call 911”.
“Is she sick?”
“I don’t know, something’s wrong and I don’t know what.”
“I’ll get it.” She reached into my purse and found my phone, turned it on and unlocked it. Just as she handed it to me Zephyra gagged hard. I picked her up and did the infant Heimlich maneuver (thank you Jesus for the foresight to be certified by the St. John’s Ambulance). She responded immediately by taking a breath, and gagged again. Something is stuck in her throat. I reached a finger in and felt a tiny piece of metal, but it was too far down. More gagging. She threw up a bunch of mucous, meaning that whatever it was stuck in there had been in there a while, and is hurting her (your body will overproduce mucous to help lubricate the foreign object to either throw it up, or pass it through easier). I did the Heimlich maneuver again and she threw up about a quarter cup of mucous onto the floor… along with a large antique clip-on earring. She must have pulled it out of Tempest’s jewelry box, or it fell out when we were cleaning and went under the couch or something. My mom gave the box to Tempest a few weeks ago and filled it with pieces of old costume jewelry she had in her collection.
Zephyra screamed and clung to me. Her cry sounded normal now. She continued crying for half an hour before falling asleep on my chest. I didn’t want to move her, so I put the baby carrier on around her and wrapped her in a blanket. I felt conflicted over whether or not I should take her to the ER for an x-ray and risk the hours long wait with three kids, or just watch her closely and keep a hand on my phone. After 45 minutes of watching her, I decided on the latter. I texted Curtis about the situation in case something came up, and we went to the fair.

Happy birthday, Zephyra. You could have died choking on gaudy costume jewelry today!
Now I will always associate her first birthday with ABJECT TERROR.

She’s a choker just like Xan was. Overactive gag reflex makes her retch constantly, and she has reflux so she’s always puking and choking on that. We’re used to it, having done this twice now (with Xan and with her, meaning), but in the wake of this near-hospitalization I find myself having a goddamn heart attack every time I hear her so much as hiccup. While I was writing this out she choked on a piece of bread for about two seconds and I almost started crying.

In spite of the traumatic morning, the parade was awesome and the kids got a bucketload of candy. We decided to do the midway on Sunday instead, since we’d have more time to prepare and Curtis would be home all day. The lines were also shorter so that was a huge bonus.
It turned out to be the first year we’ve made it through the fair without anyone either breaking down screaming or throwing up.
Everyone did great until Zephyra had an epic breakdown about 10 minutes before we were going to leave. She was way, way overstimulated by the lights and sounds and completely at her limit. Tempest had her last turn on this ride that blasted pop music out of surround-sound speakers at top volume, and we were standing pretty close to it while waiting for her to finish and I think that’s what put Zephyra over the edge. She was inconsolable by the time the ride stopped. I took her off Curtis’ back and instead put her in a tummy-to-tummy carry so she could nurse. Once she was feeding I put a big floppy hat on so it would cover her face and she fell asleep almost instantly. Xan complained of a tummy ache on the ride home from eating all the cotton candy, but was fine once we got in and he had some water. It’s a Tea Party Miracle!


Zephyra has learned this amazing and rather ingenious way to get herself naked by sliding down the stairs at alarming speeds and using the force to pull open the tabs (velcro or snaps) on her diapers. She spends a lot of time naked anyway, but it means that when she is clothed or diapered we have to watch her carefully for attempts. It usually takes her 2-3 slides down the stairs to successfully remove her diaper.
She is crazy mischievous while she’s nude. There is something about the nekkid that brings out the devil in babies. I know you other moms feel me on this. She’s also our first kid who is into fecal smearing and all that horrible stuff. I know tons of people who have kids who went through phases like this, I know it is pretty common, but I always counted myself lucky that we have NEVER had children who did that. Tempest was horrified by the idea of poop from an early age, Xan didn’t care either way, but Zephyra seems to have a terrible curiosity with sticking her hands into her diaper, or ripping it off and smearing poop on the floor. We have to watch her like a hawk now because as soon as she sneaks off we know she’s bound to go have a shit behind the couch and then take off her diaper to play with it. Even when we’re changing her we have to use our feet to pin her arms down or she’ll reach down for handfuls. Jesus christ it’s disgusting.
On the plus side, she’s really obvious about pooping so I’ve been able to “catch” quite a few poops on the toilet by watching her behaviour and sitting her down on the pot when I suspected she had to go. Unlike the other two, she doesn’t writhe and scream when sitting on the toilet and instead willingly stays seated on the edge, does her business and then lets me know she’s done. She seems like she would have been a good candidate for EC if I had the physical ability to constantly be racing around with her.
All this is to say she’s been spending a lot of time nude lately while we watch her and try to direct her poop fetish to a “pooping in the toilet” fetish instead.

The other day she was being ridiculously cute, climbing all over Curtis and singing to him, and I grabbed my camera to take a picture of her but every time I turned it on her she grabbed her ankles with both hands and spread her legs wide open, then laughed at me when I wouldn’t continue taking pictures. I don’t mind naked kid pictures, but that’s a little ridiculous. She carried on like that for like ten minutes before I finally managed to get one half-decent snap of her.

She’s ridiculously cute.

This one was from a week ago when we were going on a walk. We often stop at the bakery near our house for coffee and snacks, and whenever Curtis has Zephyra on his back she’ll make eyes at me from across the room like this:

LC came to visit some time ago and all the kids got to play together again. I love, love, love it when her kids come over and they all get to play together and have sleepovers. They get along amazingly well and their personalities mesh completely. Freja is in the perfect age gap between Xan (7 months younger) and Tempest (2.5 years older) and plays well with both of them. She’s not too young for Tempest or too old for Xan, she’s not shy or withdrawn AT ALL and enjoys rough and tumble, loud play so her and Xan get along perfectly. Aaliyah is now old enough to join in and follows them around, and even when Freja and Xan get sick of her Tempest is old enough to dote on Aaliyah so they tend to pair off well. Freja ADORES Zephyra and carries her around everywhere (she would taker home if she could, says LC) and then Xan gets to act all proud of the fact that he has a baby sister that someone else thinks is amazing. He starts calling her, “My baby” in this adorable way. They all absolutely love each other.
It’s an incredible thing to watch your children and your best friend’s children grow up together like they’re family. It sounds corny, but it really is special. it makes me feel all warm and happy to see, and I hope they’re buddies forever.

The weekend she stayed was crazy hot and beautiful, so we spent a lot of time at the park and the beach. On the first day we went to the waterpark and let the kids hang out for a few hours (this is how I got my first burn in over a decade!). I attempted to put corn rows in Xan’s hair and sort of succeeded.

He always wants his hair in little braids and I really wish I had the time and talent (and ability… my hands are arthritic and braiding is very difficult if not impossible on some days) to do proper, beaded corn rows for him over the summer. He would just die for it.

When I started taking pictures of his hair he was mugging for the camera.

… but it was getting harder and harder to get a shot of him because of Aaliyah’s photo bombing.

I swear to god half the pictures from that day look like that.

Finally I relented and gave Aaliyah some of her own camera time.

Freja and Tempest wait for Zephyra to come down the slide. Together they act like doting aunts, it’s awesome.

Swings.

My second favourite set from the day are these images of Xan and Freja rawkin’ out.

Freja is quite big for her age and can easily carry Xan around. She’s gaining on Tempest, who is already rather tall.

<3

Tent caterpillar season is upon us. These guys are everywhere by the thousands. I hate them, but the kids adore them. Xan seems to always have one fist closed and hidden behind his back or at his side every time we leave the house, and inevitably it’s full of tent caterpillars.

Back at home the kids played outside with sidewalk chalk. I love this image for the reflection of chaos: so much going on at once.

Aaliyah photo bombing a cute moment. Again.

Aaliyah gets her comeuppance when Tempest photobombs her.

Even D’Argo joined in the fun.

Flowers in our corner garden.

Does that taste good, honey? Yeah, so how about we don’t eat the flowers anymore then.

Saved the best for last: I love this so much. I’m going to order prints of this for me and for LC.

I triple less-than-three it.

Links of the Day:
O Fortuna misheard lyrics – You will never hear the song the same way again.
Laci Green: You can’t pop your cherry! – Hymen 101. Unless you are an actual genuine sex educator (not a teacher, but working at a sexual health clinic) who was trained within the last 5 or so years, I promise you will learn something from this. This YouTuber is amazing anyway, and I love her videos, but this one is exceptionally educational and challenges the violent language associated with women’s loss of virginity and sexual exploration… how that ties into the virginity/purity myth and a culture that often denies women the pleasure of enjoying their first time. On top of it all, everything you heard, knew, or were taught about hymens is wrong. WRONG.
“Call your Girlfriend” Robyn/Erato cover – 12 and 8 year old sisters Lennon and Maisy show they’re 10x more talented than you’ll ever hope to be.
CPG Grey: Is Pluto a planet? – Another amazing YouTuber worth subscribing to. I learned more in this short video than I ever did in school, out of school, from the media, etc… about Pluto AND about planets.
Is breastfeeding “the cause of an outside organization”? – Annie from PHD in Parenting takes on the ‘moms breastfeeding in military uniforms’ controversy, and the military’s response that only served to throw gasoline on a stupid fire.
Canada approves historic life-saving stem-cell drug for children – Graft versus host disease is the leading cause of transplant related deaths, it is painful and kills up to 80% of the children who develop it, now has a new and successful treatment using stem cells as the active ingredient.
Gilbert Gottfried narrates “50 shades of Grey” – You’re welcome.

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  • admin says:

    I didn’t know any of that about the hymen either. I mean, I learned about it within the last few years. It’s amazing how much shit sex education in school is.

  • bluealoe says:

    Being sick seriously sucks. I’ve been dealing with bad allergies, a sore throat, and an ear infection for the past couple of weeks. It’s just now starting to get better. I hope you feel better by now.

    I am in awe of the whole car ordeal and how you got through all that without screaming at anyone. I think I would have been a total mess. And I’m really impressed at Tempest…at that age, if my mom said she’d be gone for ten minutes and instead was gone an hour, I would have freaked out. (Then again, I was a very anxious child…)

    I can’t believe the bus driver let Curtis on the bus and took his fare and THEN kicked him off. Good grief!!!

    And Z choking…holy cabbage, you’ve had an eventful week. *shudders and hands you bubble tea*

    Z’s eyes are SOOOO blue. I can’t stop staring at them.

    Aaliyah is NOT 3 years old. Just…no. She’s still a baby in my mind.

    All the kids are so adorable together. I hope they stay best friends for a long time.

    Awesome links today. I’d seen the hymen one before, but it’s really good. I hpnestly did not know any of that information about how the hymen works. Fascinating.

    *hugs*

  • gngr says:

    I found myself snickering out of the blue because of you just now. CHEESECAKE!

  • lilmoe says:

    So glad Z is okay! Scary shit man. I will never forget having to do the HM on a 11 month old while babysitting. When her brother’s lego brick flew out and she started crying I have never felt such relief. I remember sitting on the floor shaking and crying right along with the baby while the 3 year old stared at us like we were loons. Can’t even imagine something like that happening with my own kid.

  • I cannot even believe that Freja is so SO big! I remember when you posted pictures of her as a baby. Holy shit, that went by fast!

    Your dump story was completely epic. Shit storm? Oh yes.

  • jenrose1 says:

    I think opening the back of the car and finding that I’d simply close it up again, drive home, and tell my spouse to pull the other one. Aren’t you like deathly allergic to grass?

    Around here they collect yard waste every 2 weeks in a special receptacle. Garbage, trash and yard waste, three bins.

  • I can’t get over that guy at the dump being such an ASSHOLE! At least there were some nice people who did end up helping you out though.

    Wow, then to be followed up with battery drama on the bus. 🙁

    It’s so good that you know the infant Heimlich manoeuvre! I didn’t even realize that you could do it on a baby. Glad everything is okay now.

    • admin says:

      It’s different on a baby, you don’t do it the same way you do on an adult or you could break their ribs. To be honest I don’t know if I could confidently show someone if they asked me to teach them, it’s like muscle memory at this point. I’ve only done it a few times, and each time I did it was in a really serious situation (once with Xan, once with Zephyra, once with Marika followed by AR when she nearly drowned in a lake after I turned my back on her… I don’t think I’ve done it in another situation as far as I know) and it’s kind of like the rest of me just shut off and I went through the motions. I don’t actually have a memory of doing it each time, but I know I did. Does that make sense? It’s weird.

    • admin says:

      And dump guy: I know right? For one, I WASN’T holding up a “line” because there was no line. People can come and go around me easily due to the cul-de-sac design, and many many people park up there for a good half hour while they check out the “free random shit in working condition” section… so that line he gave me was bullocks.

  • Those photos are just so much awesome sauce!

    Can you give the Pluto link again? Both it and the Erato one lead to the Erato cover video.

  • moonspoken says:

    Tempest looks so old in these pictures! And I want a full family friendship like it seems like y’all have, that is too cute 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    Did you know you’re not supposed to put rose cuttings into general compost? Roses are so prone to disease that composting them just spreads whatever issues they have. I have to point this out several times a year when my friend gets on me about not having a compost heap (I have roses in all but one of my beds…hate the stupid things).

    I classify Rowan as a “partial nudist”–she loves taking her clothes off, but tends to leave the diaper. The exception being at nap/bedtime; she’ll strip down to nothing in that situation. After two nauseating poop-painting episodes we started putting her to bed in a sleeper with the zipper pinned shut. I’m sure that takes all the fun out of it but if my almost-three-year-old (sigh) refuses to learn to use the damn toilet, I’m sure as heck not letting her mess around with her diaper.

    • admin says:

      Is this true for wild roses as well?

      The dump has no rules about roses…

      • Anonymous says:

        I have no idea, that’s just what my rose book said 🙂 I guess if it’s a massive composting operation, a few rose cuttings aren’t going to kill everybody else’s plants, right? Plus wild roses are probably hardier and less disease-ridden because they haven’t been bred to the point of having no resistance to ANYTHING. Obviously I don’t know enough about roses or mine wouldn’t look like garbage by the beginning of June…

    • jenrose1 says:

      We tried pins with Shiny. Shiny… we cut the feet off of a sleeper adn put it on her backwards. We put one on frontwards and one on backwards over the top. The durned kid STILL escaped, pulled off her diaper and made yellow snow EVERYWHERE. Many times. So we got these funny garments, a little sleeveless shortall with buttons, put it on her backwards, that mostly contained her until she outgrew them, so my mom adapted the garment for her new size…at which point the little contortionist managed to strip it off. So we put jammies on under it, and she got THOSE off without getting the over garment off, and pulled the diaper off. So we put her in cloth diapers, the jammies, pants over the top of that, a shirt over that, and THEN her funny garment…

      I give up. Most mornings shes’ STILL naked, but at least she can’t shred a cloth diaper and is almost, mostly, potty trained at this point. Almost. If someone comes up with child-proof clothing I will bake them cookies and give them lots of my money.

      She has torn clothes and busted zippers getting out of them. We tried duct taping her diapers on (like a belt) but she bruised her hips getting the diaper off anyway. It’s insane.

      • Anonymous says:

        Good heavens! The diaper-pin-through-the-zipper was the end of a series of experiments. First we did a onesie under her sleeper (fortunately she still fit in 24 months at the time). When she figured that out, we got a romper (one piece, the legs button open instead of the zipper down the front). After that, onesie under the romper. Taped the diaper on. Taped the diaper on AND put a Flip cover under it. Finally my cousin told us to try the pin…first night we just pinned the top of the sleeper together, and she unzipped it under the pin. We learned after that.

        I am actually pretty impressed by your daughter’s dedication to nudity. I know it’s frustrating, but wow…that’s industrious, right there.

  • azdesertrose says:

    I love the pictures with Aaliyah and Freja and your kids. The kids look like they’re having a marvelous time together.

    I also love the ones of Z trying to eat flowers. When Stephani was about two (IIRC), she tried to eat azaleas. Yeah, that doesn’t work so well. They’re very pretty, but they don’t taste too great.

    I’m so sorry about the car. Car trouble is teh suck, and it seems to happen in the absolute worst configuration of time and activity.

    And yes, something about nudity makes kids VERY mischievous. Stephani used to just LOVE to run naked around the house when she undressed for her bath, right up to about age six or seven.

    • jenrose1 says:

      I’m fine with nudity. I’m not fine with my niece grabbing the baby’s toys and shoving them between her legs when she’s naked. Because ew. But we’ve had a couple of kids potty training in the house the past month, way too many butts.

  • I remember your post about Xan choking on that little scrap of plastic years ago… I think about that ALL THE TIME with my not-yet-crawling-but-very-grabby babies and my under-vaccuumed floors. And we’re doing partial baby-led solids and a few days ago Lulu gagged on a chunk of apple, which she was well on her way to spitting out like they’re supposed to do (she’s a little “gaggy” too), but I was with my parents and my mom panicked and then I panicked and tried to sweep it out but I pushed it further in by accident and then I tipped her forwards and she spit it right out, but now I want them to eat only purees for the rest of their lives even if I have to drive to their college dorm rooms every morning and make them smoothies. Oy.

    • admin says:

      Apple is THE WORST offender for chokable foods, no matter how it’s prepared (unless it’s sauce). I’ve just stopped offering apples to kids under two.

      • jenrose1 says:

        I’ll offer whole apples only. I won’t cut apples for anyone, ever, unless the apple is about to be cooked in a pie, my heart has stopped too many times when Shiny choked on an apple wedge because some fuc… helpful person decided to cut it up for her even though I’ve told EVERY DAMN PERSON IN HER LIFE not to cut apples for her, ever, because she has choked at least four or five times on them. The last time, it was her SISTER WHO KNOWS BETTER who did it, but I didn’t hear about it until later, because K actually went and fished the piece off of Shiny’s trachea herself.

        Little organic whole apples are fine though. Kids scrape off tiny little bits and they can cope with it.

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