Adorable baby is adorable.

My days are a mess of tandem pumping, washing and sterilizing, attempting to feed with the cleft bottles or the Haberman, nurse some more, try and get baby to sleep, try and nap myself… repeat, repeat, repeat. I’m doing okay in spite of it; I’m handling the stress of this surprisingly well, but I do miss the freedom of being able to do things, go places and write when I feel like it. I’ve been trying to sit down and write for days, if not weeks, and never seem to have the time. Whenever I have a free moment it’s usually filled with trying to do something else (like the remnants of work), cleaning, sterilizing, attempting to pump or trying to get to sleep on time. This is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. And I don’t even have the option of giving up, as forcibly weaning her would mean exclusive tube feeding.
I’m not exactly on the waiting list to throw in the towel, but sometimes it’s nice to know there is an option so you can give yourself permission to feel some pride at not taking it. My own stubborn bull-headedness is sometimes all that keeps me going through this mess.

Zephyra has been bounced back and forth through a few specialists in the last few weeks, and we have an appointment on the 27th with the cleft team. The team is a panel of experts of various skills all related in some way to oral, cleft or other suckling/feeding issues that meet once per month. Parents get in to see them by reserving a “seat”, and they’re bumped between them all over a course of a few hours while they take a look at your child, talk to you about options, and try to set up various referrals, tests and surgeries if needed.
Since Zephyra’s issue is feed related, she has no alternative feeding method, and is starting to drop off her curve, we’ve been rushed ahead to see several of the experts before the panel. We saw the ENT (ear/nose/throat) last week, who was of absolutely no help at all. For one he’d never heard of other tongue ties and argued with us as though his career depended on it that there’s no such thing. I backed off, as I’d been warned by other specialists that this information and diagnosis was relatively new (< 5 years) and there were several doctors that were rather protective of their ignorance. He examined her and found that while her nasal airway is tight, it can support a tube and seems okay. He didn't look at her ears. He couldn't find anything in her mouth and throat, can't find any cleft or hole either submucousal or otherwise, and was the fourth person to push a swallowing study. We're already setting up for one so that information wasn't exactly new. He agreed that her suckling was seriously fucked up, but had no clues as to why it was happening. His best suggestion was that she was doing it on purpose. Right, because my three month old who has no neurological problems is willingly trying to starve herself to death. So, that was a bust. At least he won't be present for his regular seat at the cleft team so we don't have to hear his useless bullshit again. The more I think about it the more irritated I am that he was so fucking unhelpful. We're still trying with the Haberman on a daily basis, and we still haven't had any real success. The best we can get out of her is pulse feeding, but only if she manages to create enough of a seal over the teat that the milk doesn't dribble all over the place and out of her mouth when she swallows (pushing the tip of her tongue forward thereby also pushing the milk out). It's extremely challenging. She got through the three month growth spurt, so feeding at the breast as improved slightly, but we still never see any healthy stools nor does she have any sort of regular feeding pattern. I'm exhausted. Somehow I managed to balance that through the summer with daily play dates, park visits, shopping trips and activities to get us out of the house around Z's feeding schedule so that the other kids wouldn't go stir crazy. Though some days it was down to choosing between putting them in front of the TV for four hours, or allowing Z to skip one of her three actual successful meals per day and starve her. Unfortunately the newborn with the feeding problem sometimes has to take top priority over our media preferences.

Pumping has been a particularly difficult challenge. I’ve never responded well to a pump, and even though I have a high quality double electric I’ve been lucky to get 1.5oz out of each breast every 6-8 hours.
This was such an amazing accomplishment I even took a photograph:

I’ve been taking 3500mg+ of Fenugreek, and just started taking Domperione as well. On top of that, I bought a manual pump (the Medela symphony, I think?) with a soft shell and I get much, much more out of that. I’ve managed to improve my output up to 3-4oz on average (out of one breast) during a tandem pump session.
Last night I moved a huge portion of my stash to the deep freeze and counted up 54oz since I started doing this regularly in the last two weeks of August. This seemed like a huge accomplishment up until I realized that if she were exclusively bottlefed she’d be going through over 40oz a day. Suddenly it didn’t seem so awesome… I need to keep up a pump schedule of every 4 hours, but with how busy things have been it’s impossible even to manage three pump sessions in a single day, let alone try and stick to a schedule. It hurts us both, and yet everything is so crazy I can’t seem to find the time.

I got my period back, at least I’m fairly sure I got my period back… which says a lot about how “successful” breastfeeding has been. In the past it’s taken a year or more for my fertility to return (with the exception of Xan’s conception, however that was during an off-and-on nursing strike from Tempest, then two, and I was almost exclusively pumping so that’s a little different than exclusive breastfeeding of an infant).


Fortunately, things just got a lot easier as far as my workload and bubbling stress levels.

For one, Curtis got a massive promotion at work, and is now in a management position and runs the morning/afternoon at the restaurant. The promotion secures his hours through the winter, raises his pay by about $2 an hour now (with more raises spread out over the next year or so, as he’s only been working there four months before rising about 17 ranks in seniority) and guarantees him a position there for years.
I’m… relieved. Thrilled, overjoyed and so relieved. I’m so sick of people not recognizing what an amazing and devoted worker he is, and taking advantage of his kindness and easy-going attitude to fuck him over. It’s amazing to finally see him being recognized. In four months he got the job of someone who had been there nine years (and left, for the record, he didn’t steal the job from him. He’d never agree to that, even at his own expense). He’s never, ever been in a job where he was disliked or didn’t get top praise from his coworkers and bosses… but he’s not a status climber and is soft spoken and modest, which means that other people get passed over him. Recently his confidence has changed a lot, and he’s been much more outgoing, and the resulting improvement for his career has been amazing. He makes me proud every fucking day. I’m so fortunate to have him in my life.

The kids just went back to school, too… so I have double relief. School now includes full day Kindergarten for Xan, so other than the brief clusterfuck that was trying to buy them school supplies, I’m now enjoying full days to myself.
On their first full days of school I dropped them off, then drove downtown and parked the car and walked around for hours. Just because I could. I didn’t really do anything… I just enjoyed my own freedom to do something. I went into a yarn store and looked at everything, bought a few small skeins that were on sale for a few dollars. I went up to the mall and browsed the M.A.C store because I’d been curious to see what it’s like. I walked around Chinatown and window shopped. I bought myself an ice cream bar because no one would whine at me to share it. I felt like a teenager who was rebelling against their strict, conservative parents: now I can do EVERYTHING!
The whole time baby Z just chilled in the pouch, slept on and off, and she even fed successfully twice now that we didn’t have the constant distraction of fighting children.

When not devoting every waking moment I now have to ensuring Z is well fed, I’ve taken up learning how to give myself a manicure and have started painting my nails for the first time in years. I’ve never really been a big nail polish person – at least, not since 5th grade – but for some reason I’m totally into it now. As soon as I learned manicure basics I went and gave one to myself, my kids, my mom and even Curtis. Though now they want one all the time.
Including Curtis. He says the sports manicure helped significantly and now he wants me to teach him now to do it to himself. Plus, he really wants Nyan Cat sailing over his nails. I’m not entirely sure if he’s kidding…

Some recent examples of my attempts (keep in mind I’ve never done this before, and I am no artist).
Cherries, to go with my new hair colour:

Galaxies:

Monarch butterfly wings:

I’ve been knitting like crazy. At least, when my arthritis allows me to. I’ve finished a few projects that I previously would have thought much too difficult to even attempt.
Still haven’t finished the HellDress, though.

For instance, these gloves:


(Cleavage was unintentional).

It’s the [ “Knotty Gloves” ] pattern from [ Ravelry ]. I also just bought some laceweight yarn and some size two 80cm circulars so I could try out my first shawl. I plan to buy the pattern for Rock Island and go for that one. I’ve never done lace, or a shawl before, so this will be a challenge.
But before that I’m testing out the teeny tiny circulars on a doll pattern, the [ “Eco Fairy” ]. I’m about half done now, and so far so good.

I’ve also really gotten into reading graphic novels. I just finished [ “Y, the Last Man” ]which was a fantastic series. I haven’t sat own and picked it apart, and while it has a ton of flaws I really truly enjoyed it. It’s one of those books that I could easily get so into that I could almost hear the world around me as I absorbed myself in the storyline. It’s by the same guy that did, [ “Pride of Baghdad” ], which was another amazing read.
I also tried to get into a graphic novel depiction of Martin Luther King’s biography by Ho Che Anderson, simply entitled “King”, but I found it a little difficult to get hooked on. It runs a little slow, and I got distracted by the “Y” series instead… but I’ve got another week before it goes back to the library so I’ll probably pick it up again before it goes back.


I haven’t taken many photos lately, I’ve been too exhausted and too busy. I feel guilty; I look through my memories of Tempest and Xan at this age and realize there is more of them than there is of Zephyra. Every time I try to pick up my camera I have to do something else, so there’s less and less as time goes on. I’m hoping that as she grows a little, and gradually becomes more independent, that maybe that will begin to change.
Business too… I did have one shoot the other day in Vancouver, which ended up being the most ridiculous attempt at a family trip ever. The shoot was cool, and I met very cool people, but getting there was a disaster.
We got everyone up at 8am and got out the door on time, with more than enough to get to the boat early, went for coffee and got halfway to the fucking terminal when Curtis suddenly asks, “Wait… where is your camera?”
“FUCK ME.”
Drive back home and get the bag, get back in the car. “I don’t think we’re going to make the boat,” I said, looking at the clock.
“How comfortable are you speeding to get there?”
“Not very.”
“I can drive if you want to try.”
“No, I’d rather just not speed at all. If I take the alternative route we can miss as many red lights as possible, and the outbound traffic, and we might shave off a few minutes.”
We took our alternative route and it ended up saving us more than just a few minutes, and as we merged back onto the highway with 17 minutes to spare and less than 10 minutes of driving ahead of us I was overjoyed: we would make it!

Then I heard a gag, followed by Tempest screaming, “Ew! Xan!” I looked in the rearview mirror in time to see Xan throw up all over himself, the floor of the car, his lap and his carseat.
I pulled over and Curtis ran back to get him, pulling him out with the seat an tipping them both over to pour out the puke onto the side of the road. Fortunately we’d just bought a big pack of Wet Ones to carry around in the car so we had the ability to clean things up at least partially… but by the time the barfing was over we’d missed the boat by 20 minutes. We discussed the possibility of taking another ferry and leaving Xan at home, but he flipped his shit upon realizing he might not come and there’s no way we could leave him with my mom if he’s ill. There’s no emergency babysitter we can call that we could, 1. AFFORD and 2. find with 15 minutes notice who’d be willing to potentially clean up vomit all day.
I called my client in Vancouver and asked her what she was doing tomorrow. Apparently she was flying out, and this was it. Her entire family had managed to get together once this year and this was the day. We talked through other possibilities later that day and agreed there was no way we could manage it without someone getting screwed, and I said I’d return her deposit.

We piled back in the car, still covered in vomit, and drove home. Curtis and I fought most of the way there because he insisted Xan was fine and we should go anyway, and I insisted it was unfair to Xan for us to drag him along. Xan cried in the back because he wanted to go, and insisted he felt fine. I felt like Curtis was being selfish, and I said so, and he felt like I was ignoring Xan’s feelings of being left out and this would only compound his recent tantrums.
There’s no way I could go ‘on my own’ with Zephyra because with her needs and fussiness I could never get the shoot done, nor would I be able to make it home that night. Plus, there’s also the whole, “we desperately need the money” thing. Eventually Curtis won out and I said I’d consider going back and taking Xan if this was transient.

After arriving home we cleaned everything up, threw the carseat cover in the wash and dug out Tempest’s old (unexpired) booster. Thank god we hung onto it. I took Xan’s temperature, which was normal, checked him out for any other signs of illness and we quizzed him about how he felt. Eventually we surmised that he was simply carsick from us going around a very curvy road, and after checking the schedules we decided we could probably still pull this off. I called my client back and we rescheduled the shoot for two hours later, and left to the boat. Xan was fine for the rest of the day.
Unfortunately the boat cost way more than what we expected, and along with gas and emergency food it was more than we budgeted for. My standard travel budget is $100, and now I know for the future that it won’t even cover ONE WAY. Fuck me.

The park we met in was amazing, and the kids had an amazing time playing there while I was shooting, so they managed to recharge their batteries and not be insane on the way back. We left on time and things were looking very positive that we’d make the seven! In fact, we got there with 10 minutes to spare, overjoyed that we’d managed to nearly stay on our original schedule… only to find out there was no fucking seven o’clock boat. ARGH. So instead we waited another hour and some in the terminal. I slept in the front seat with baby while Curtis walked around with the kids.
We made it home around 9pm, meaning we’d spent 12 hours on the road that day.
“I don’t care if this makes me the worst mother in the world,” I whispered to Curtis as we pulled in, “I just want to drug my children and go have a drink.”
He laughed. “That’s doable. Xan needs to take another dose of Gravol anyway.”
“Oh, thank god.” I joked.
Fortunately they went to bed without too much issue, and Xan’s tummy stayed okay so long as we continued to give him Gravol through the trip. After they were tucked in, Curtis went out to get us cider we couldn’t afford but got anyway because JESUS FUCK, REALLY we deserved that shit.

I hurt like hell for the next two days and I still haven’t been able to fuck it off, but at least the rest of the month we stay close to home. I snapped this on our way back while we waited on the boat.


While I haven’t taken many photos, I do have a few small sets to post.

My plum hair. I haven’t had my hair dark in years upon years…

At this point Zeph woke up, so I included her in the photos.

We went back to the U-Pick farms last month to get a few dozen pounds of blueberries and strawberries.


Nursing in a strawberry patch. It was so hot that day that breastfeeding her was like holding a hot water bottle to you while you sit in a hottub. Awful. She was miserable and dripping with sweat.

Xan insisted on berry picking in an old peach-coloured dress that my grandmother made me.

He was awesome.

At home we unloaded everything and Xan sat at the table eagerly awaiting some berries and cream.

At home I prepped the berries by washing them in the sink and bringing them out on a towel to the dining room table where Curtis and I cut the tabs off, and sliced them up to freeze on layers of wax paper.

I love the way this one turned out.

Baby chills in her chair on the kitchen floor while I wash the berries.

“C’mon mom you haven’t fed me in at least 14 minutes.

Petting Zoo. We went here some time ago to meet up with some of my extended family for an afternoon.

The kids first day of school.


Yes, Xan is in drag: he’s wearing Tempest’s rainbow dress from Pride.

Z chillin’ out while we wait.

The first week of Kindergarten was this weird, “gradual adjustment” thing where they go in for orientation, followed by a half day, then a full day with only half of his class, then no school on Friday so the other half of his class has a full day, and then they return to normal schedules on the following Monday. He missed his orientation because he was having too much trouble with his asthma, so these were taken on his first day rather than the school’s first day.

Random:
Z stays up late with me watching bad television.

Eating lunch together on a summer’s day.

At Starbucks, Xan waits to get my coffee for me.

Ziyal sleeping on the bed.

Tempest making bunny ears on Z.

Curtis works on his crochet with Z on his lap.

Sunbathing at the park.

Zephyra’s three month portraits.
First the ‘unofficial’.

Concerned face.

She found her hands last month and hasn’t gone back.

And the ‘official’ :

Random images:

The kitties are finally learning to accept Z.

Ziyal especially likes spending time with her on the bed late at night now. She sits close to her feet while she lays here kicking.

No LOTD or QOTD this time, I haven’t been saving many lately for all the aforementioned reasons. I barely even get on to LJ anymore, to be honest… I lose track of all my friends and I never visit or post in communities right now.
[ Tumblr ] is probably one of the better places to catch me as I get little pieces of photos and thoughts out there. I’m still trying to get into the habit of doing my [ Twitter ] more often…

Comments

comments

55 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

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  • birthingway says:

    It *was* a completely crazy Sunday. I’m sorry it took you so long (and cost so much!) to get there and back, and yet I’m so glad it worked out.

    The sneak peeks you posted on FB are making the rounds in my family and I’ve shown my IMPP classmates your shot of me, Simeon, and the kids.

    Everyone has oohed and aahed and asked, “who took these gorgeous photos?” I told them, of course.

    (Oh, and btw, my sister thinks you’re hot!)

    • admin says:

      Wait, who?… THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE. Haha!

      I had intended to put up the sneak peeks and then email you to let you know they were there but I’d barely uploaded them when comments started POURING in! It was kind of hilarious. I guess I didn’t have to tell you!
      I’m just about ready to put up the gallery. I didn’t expect to get this done for another week because we’ve had like four doctor appointments and 17 trips to downtown and all this ridiculous stuff in the last 10 days, but I made amazing time. O_o

      And don’t feel bad, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just Murphy’s law of going into town with a young family. πŸ˜‰

  • setsumev says:

    ΠžΡ‚Π»ΠΈΡ‡Π½ΠΎ!

  • I feel so much for you through all this. You are AMAZING, and your stubbornness is admirable. You have my complete support. I wish there were something I could do to help.

    Pictures are gorgeous, as always. You are stunning, as always. And I never realized Curtis would make such a cute girl!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    I’m commenting anonymously because I haven’t used my LJ in so many years that I can’t remember my log-in info, but I do still read yours and some others…even though I am way, way behind. ah, life.

    I don’t want to be an annoying “DO THIS” person, but have you considered or heard about a pediatric chiropractor for Zephrya? I had one recommended to me when my baby was having some sucking issues. They can do pallet work that basically involves massaging parts of the mouth to change the suck. thought I would throw it out there because it came to my mind!

    • admin says:

      I would be much more inclined to do that if the problems she were having weren’t persisting, and had very real, unchangeable physical symptoms (like the abnormal anatomy of her palate and mouth). Those aren’t going to be helped by chiropractic care…

  • Anonymous says:

    gag reflex

    Just wondering if you’re doing any exercises to desensitize Zephyra’s palate so that she doesn’t gag that much? (if not I’m happy to explain how) And the Haberman feeder you have is the mini one or the normal one? Personally I find that my son only ever has a good feed if I’m lying on my back and put him prone on my chest – he has a type 4 tongue-tie (OK, not a very practical position in a strawberry patch – or anywhere out and about – but works well at home). If I try to feed him sitting up he can’t cope with the flow (pulls away, lets milk leak out of his mouth, bites down… and then brings his feed back up). Not sure if this is any help. You’re doing an amazing job.
    Martina

    • admin says:

      Re: gag reflex

      We are, we’re doing what the speech pathologist taught us for positioning, jaw/tongue movements and massage and various other things. The position you described for feeding is exactly what I’ve been doing, actually. I also find she feeds better in a slightly prone position. The biting is getting more and more extreme and is hard to deal with, she bites HARD.

  • She is one beautiful baby. Truly. Glad you are hanging in through all of the chaos. Have 9+ months baby girl clothes ready to go to a new home. Would you like them, or do you have enough?

  • you are GORGEOUS with the dark hair. your eyes are extra stunning and they seem to just pop right off your face. i love it!

  • keilababe says:

    Best first day of school pics. ever. lol

    Oh and I love the one of you nursing in the berries.

  • Anonymous says:

    Over 40oz a day if exclusively bottlefed??? Maybe if she were 6 months old,gearing up for solids, but you were witholding solids from her..I’ve FF and EP’d and my babies rarely took more than 30oz in a day. My EP’d baby took 24, usually, with only small spikes here and there (FF took more as time went on since formula is static). Even formula manufacturers base intake on about 24-32oz intake a day. Your stash is just fine!

  • psyko_kitty says:

    Oooh – like the hair.
    Please post what the specialists say when you can. I am anxious to know more about this situation. After seeing what my friend, Maureen, went through with it I really want to know how to help if I ever have a client come to me with this issue (I’m an LC and a doula). Thanks, and I really really hope they have some amazingly helpful info.

  • Anonymous says:

    Z

    Some big challenges – that must take a lot of energy and patience – but that healthy, inquisitive, happy (well, except the last take) little face is a sweet reward. Keep squeezing out some minutes for pretty fingers, and knitting – little things count a lot!

  • gardenmama says:

    Kudos to you for sticking through the rough stuff with feeding Zephyra. She looks like a chubby baby to me πŸ™‚

    Usually I don’t see it when people say how young you look, but with the darker hair and your hair pulled up out of your face like in some of these pics, you look about 19.

    Xan in drag cracks me up. I thought the rainbow dress was a romper with him on the bike. I get enough comments about my boys with their long hair πŸ˜‰ Oh, and Xan looks more like himself now that his hair has grown long enough to stick up in every direction.

  • thehobbit says:

    This is the absolute most shitty thing I can say and please don’t throw things at me but reading your blog makes me feel infinitely better.

    The twins came 6 weeks early and it took 5 days to get milk in. Then it barely came in. Then it took probably almost two months to really get them BOTH to latch. I had to go back to work at the end of month three and I’m still figuring out how to pump enough for two “starving” children without causing myself constant plugged ducts/mastitis/unbearable pain, but when I compare it to what you’re going through? I want to put on my happy pants and do a happy dance. God damn Momma. Keep on keepin’ on.

    For real. You are my idol. Cheers.

    • admin says:

      Thank you. πŸ™‚
      BUT – and it’s a big butt – don’t compare. The struggles I’m having now feel easier by comparison to what I went through with Tempest, even though if you put them side by side this would seem like it’s a lot harder… being a first timer was WAY worse than doing the “I’m having breastfeeding issues” thing the third time around. Everyone who has struggles is struggling, and how much you struggle with it is influenced by a lot of different things. There’s no better or worse, and with what you’ve told me that sounds incredibly stressful to me. You sound like you’re working incredibly hard. The worst part of this for me has been the pumping/feeding around the clock, and doing it while working would send me for a huge loop. You’re doing amazing.

      • thehobbit says:

        Thank you to you too. I’m not so much comparing as realizing that to the rest of the world (aka the people I know in real life) my problem could be solved by “just giving those babies formula”. If faced with your situation I am not sure I would be doing as well as you are and to that I must tip my hat in awe.

        There’s a lot I want to say but I can’t seem to word it right without sounding like a creeper. I just really wish you strength and luck because, well, you’re not alone in this crazy feeding baby thing.

  • danica says:

    The milkshare is going to be having a potluck in the Esquimalt Gorge Park this Saturday at 10am, maybe you could go and score a bunch more and she CAN be EBF!! She’s GORGEOUS by the way!

  • mami_chilena says:

    The friend who did your hair MISSES you like WHOA!
    ps: Did you hair get lighter again? – We MUST get it re-done.

    • admin says:

      Yeah, most of the colour sort of drained out of it. πŸ™

      AND YES DUH. srsly, I wasn’tkidding when I said you’ll just have to like… come over. I never have the time to actually sit down and plan shit out. Curtis’ work schedule changed to Sunday/Monday off with the promotion, so other than those days I’m ALONE! Nu is in Kinder now too, right? So we could get together kidless for the mall or Chinatown or whatnot on a weekday, or kiddos together on a weekend. FB ME.

  • OK, I still think you are doing amazingly in a very hard situation, but I have a question unrelated to little Zephyra’s issues. HOw do you knit that much with a baby. I either have to do it when they are asleep (and not attached to me), and then I often am too, or down and content, which is also not that often. I’ve tried knitting over or around a worn or lap baby, with only minor success. How are you doing all that?

    • admin says:

      That’s pretty much the only time I do it as well… when Z is either sleeping, or sitting content. So it’s stolen moments during a day, and I’ll often go several days at a time without picking up my work. I’ve also mastered knitting while walking, so that helps.

  • Anonymous says:

    Sterlizing bags

    I’m not quite sure why I’m even mentioning this, as I’ve never come across anybody more experienced with breastfeeding than you, but have you tried the Medela QuickClean bags? (http://www.medelabreastfeedingus.com/products/cleaning/185/quick-clean-micro-steam-bags—5-pack) They use the microwave to steam-sterilize bottles and pump parts in under 5 minutes, I thought they were pretty awesome. I figured on the off-chance you’d never heard of them (hahaha), they might save you some time!

  • You are just such an awesome parent. And you and your man make beautiful children. Truly.

  • crustyshoes says:

    That hair colour looks incredible on you! I love it.

    In some of the pictures Zephyra looks exactly like baby Xan.

  • myluckeestar says:

    Zephyra is a tiny Curtis. It’s almost shocking to me how much she really looks like him.

  • I especially like you black and white photos.

  • Zephyra looks like her daddy!

    And Xan absolutely kills me. If I were his teacher, he’d definitely be my fave! LOVE that he rocked a tye dyed dress to his first day of school!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    I love Xan’s confidence wearing those dresses and I LOVE that you let him do that πŸ™‚

  • babe6576 says:

    Beautiful pictures and amazing photography. Love the butterfly nails as well!

  • My favorite photo is of the knitting/cleavage.

    I understand the newfound freedom sans child(ren).

    I recently read on the Leaky boob FB community about an herb which works better than fenugreek but I forget what..

    At least you are managing to breastfeed for the most crucial months!!

  • It might be worth heading down to Seattle and seeing Maryann O’Hara. It would be money and time well spent.

  • sandokai says:

    I think just pumping 3-5 ounce (total) per pumping session is about what one can generally expect… people who get more than that are just really lucky.

    But that’s interesting you get more from a manual than an electronic…?

  • moonridden says:

    I like getting my nails or my hair done when I’m stressed. I can’t do the elaborate paints, though, because my hands shake too much (which is another reason why I like having someone else do mine, when I can splurge). Yours look so cute, though … I especially like the cherries!

    I like cutting my hair during periods of high stress, too. Or dying it. IDK why that is. I like your color, too.

    Congrats to Curtis, that’s beyond awesome.

    Don’t know what to add about the continued struggles with Z’s feeding issues, except the obvious, that I hope you can find out what’s going on with her, for all your sakes.

  • briannablade says:

    -I love the cherry nails!
    – I’m so sorry that you’re having such a hard time bfing still but I think you’re so INCREDIBLY strong and I admire you so much for how hard you’ve been working with her. Like seriously worship you as a breastfeeding goddess. I can’t imagine how incredibly fucking hard it is to do that and I am seriously in awe at how strong you are and how stubborn you are.
    -I love the hair color. So much. It looks fantastic on you.
    -Z is so freaking cute! So precious
    -I love the first day of school pics on the bike. I love that Zan wore that dress too. πŸ™‚
    -That day of shooting that sounds like a day from hell. You have my sympathies.
    -Those gloves are awesome and not just because of the cleavage

  • eiretamicha says:

    Your hair looks great that color!

    I want to say more, like about how proud I am of you for sticking through Zephyra’s feeding issues, but honestly, that sounds corny and stalker-ish, and proud isn’t really the right word because there was never any doubt that you’d keep on keeping on. However, I feel something, and it feels like pride, and there’s empathy thrown in there, too, because…well, damn. That just seems really, really fucking hard. πŸ™

  • smellykaka says:

    Observations:

    – the butterfly wing nails are gorgeous.
    – Xan in sunglasses and dress is hilarious.
    – your hair is cute in pigtail plaits.
    – the cleavage may be unintentional, but it’s still appreciated :p

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