Dream Diary:
I had a dream that after an altercation with a driver who almost hit me as I crossed the street, I was blamed for their window breaking and deemed too angry to care for my own chidren. I was innocent: a stranger who had witnessed the incident had felt for me, and thrown a rock at the car, shattering the window at the same moment I hit the window with my hand, frustrated.
I was taken to court and pulled into a battle that was months long and very expensive. I could not afford a lawyer, and chose to represent myself until legal aid could supply me with one willing to take me on pro-bono. I thought I was doing well, but despite having overwhelming evidence to show that there was no way my strength alone could shatter their car window, they ruled against me. I was deemed unfit to parent, and my children were taken into foster care. There were three: Tempest, Xan and a newborn baby girl who had yet to get a name. It’s the first time in ages I’ve had a dream where the baby is a girl.
She was brand new, only a few days old. We hadn’t even taken her out of the house yet.

I was deeply ashamed, horrified, upset, embarrassed… I don’t want to tell people or ask for help because I was terrified that they will think I did it, and that I am an awful person. They would blame me, isolate and exile me, and I couldn’t handle that kind of criticism in my vulnerable state. Curtis and I suffer in silence as we desperately try and get our children back.
The workers had left no names or numbers; they just came into our house in the night and stole the children from our arms, from our bed, while we screamed at them to stop. We were helpless.

It takes us over 5 months to track down the office and speak to someone.
It takes eight months to gain visitation rights. By that point, our newborn girl has been named something else by someone else who claims to love her more. Worse still, having not seen me since just after her birth, she does not know who I am.
On our first “supervised” visit Tempest and Xan run up to us in tears – but the baby clings to it’s foster parent and hides. I am not her mother, and she refuses to come to me. I am heartbroken and terrified at what has happened, and start to feel myself unraveling. I claw at the world around me in effort to tear it down.
At home I have a breakdown. “This isn’t real, it can’t be real,” I scream. I throw things, break things, break myself… I am desperate to make it stop. I try and search my brain for any clue that this world is a dream, and come up empty. The journey ahead of us seems impossibly long and arduous; I begin to doubt we’ll ever get them back, and I feel as though my newest baby has been lost to a void. My life feels worthless, and I struggle with suicidal ideations.

As I began to awaken from the dream I wasn’t sure if it was real or not. I woke in my bed tired and in pain, thinking I had fallen asleep there after crying all day after a supervised visit with children who barely knew me. It seemed to take a long, long time for me to shake the feeling that the events had actually happened.

I get nightmares like this whenever I experience pain intense enough to keep me from sleeping soundly. I wake frequently through the night and the haunting visions cycle throughout – 5, 10, 20 even before I’m up for the day. It makes insomnia that much worse when you’re afraid to sleep due to a migraine or sore hip.


I’m so exhausted all the time; this pregnancy is hard. My mother always used to say, “Have your kids young”; she had a long distance between my brother and I. “It’s so much harder when you’re 30 and beyond, you have no idea. Your body is built for this while it’s still young: take advantage of it if you can”. She’s not fucking kidding. The older I get, the harder this gets. I feel achey and old and tired and grumpy. I love pregnancy, and I love so much about this amazing process… but holy shit it sucks the life right out of you sometimes. This is insurmountably more difficult than it was when I had Tempest 8 years ago… and that was only eight years ago! I also realize that my mobility, joint and spinal problems have progressed pretty significantly in that time, but it’s not all that.

Also, the acne. Holy shit, the acne. I have the worst breakouts along my cheeks, so bad and so deep that I’m very sure I’ll be left with scarring when this pregnancy is over. This is the first time in my life I have ever experienced acne this bad.
I’m freaking out changing my pillowcases and spending a fortune on cover-up that will hide the AWFULNESS because I’m getting more self-conscious about it as time goes on and it just doesn’t. go. the fuck. away.

I’m way past herbal and natural remedies. I’ve gone through every type of oil, balm, paste and cream I could think of without any success (including my old standbys: cream toothpaste and hemorrhoid paste – they work, I swear!), and while the calendula salve is helping some of the irritation it’s really not making a difference for the root problem. I’m using medicated face-washes and creams for the first time in my life, every day, and going to sleep every night with shit on my face in hopes it’ll look better in the morning. This new chemical-ridden regimen has just barely kept it from getting any worse and it seems to have stabilized at about 40 huge, awful, poc marks. As long as I remember to do it every morning and every night, it seems to be making a difference. I miss one or two days and it’s a hundred times worse again.
(Don’t bother looking for it in recent photos: you better believe I edit that shit out. Spoiler: [ it looks just like this. ] )

It’s nowhere else on my body: just the hollows of my cheeks. I’m considering investing in that Proactiv solution that they advertise on TV. They had it in vending machines in Vegas! It must be good if it comes from a vending machine and movie stars tell me to buy it, right? Movie stars (and vending machines) never lie!


It seems like so much time has passed in the last two weeks and yet it also went by so fast that I practically slept through it. When I sit down here in front of a blank window I find myself struggling to collect the little events over the past weeks and form them into anything coherent.
– New Years was quiet and uneventful. Curtis and I went out for dinner on account of the gift money we received from his parents for the holidays. We chose a sushi place that my brother recommended that ended up kind of sucking. We bought some liquored eggnog to sip on ( [omgz pregnant drinking!] ) and let Tempest stay up for her first new years experience running out into the street to bang on pots making loud, obnoxious noises with the rest of the neighborhood.
– The kids are finally back at school AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR IT. I’m not going to pretend to be one of those supermoms that “loves all ages”, laughs about “creativity” when my kid smears his shit on the walls or claims to never, ever get frustrated: I’m glad for them to be out of the house having fun for a few hours of every day. Seriously glad. I mean I love my kids but after several weeks of non-stop fighting and screaming and running in circles around the livingroom there is a point where I kind of want to freak out.
– I am slowly turning into [ Shizuka Marikawa ], from the “Highschool of the Dead” anime. Curtis joked that I should seriously consider cosplaying her for the upcoming anime-con next month.
– My migraines are getting worse and more frequent as I get into this pregnancy, and it’s really starting to be a problem. Today I spent 5 hours hiding in my room with a pillow over my head, drifting in and out of sleep filled with disturbing nightmares.
– I finally got a reply from the school board about my accessibility complaint. The principal was abrupt and curt with me, but the school superintendent was kind. I was advised to have a meeting with the principal first. The first suggestion was to have me call ahead of time so they could “make preparations” for me and my “difficulties”. Uh… no. I should not have to call ahead days in advance just so you can set out a few goddamn chairs and have the lift in workable condition. This is the law. I meet with her again sometime after I figure out how to talk to this woman to set something up.
– I woke up violently ill for the third or fourth time that week and decided to switch it up to Zofran for a few days in hopes that would control it. I’m getting so fucking sick of this hyperemesis thing. I’ve also noticed that in the hours after being ill like that, I always – ALWAYS – get a horrific migraine. Always. My mother believes the that particular variety of nausea is an early warning sign of the migraines, and is unrelated to pregnancy, but I think the migraines are caused by the good hour I spend violently dry heaving. Regardless, a cocktail of Zofran and oxycodone are required to get through a day of that bullshit in a manner that did not involve lying in my bed quietly (and very, very carefully) sobbing into a pillow for eight continuous hours.

… And here people are worried about whether or not a pregnant woman has a glass of wine. You’ve got nothing on me, sissies.

– Marika came back from a long visit with her boyfriend and zero communication with any other living thing on the planet. During that time we were brought to her room by a funny smell and Curtis ended up finding a number of hidden, dirty, molded dishes stuffed under her bed… which prompted him to go looking for more. He ended up finding 13 molded dishes, 1 shattered wine glass and an empty bottle of Carolann’s irish cream liquor. Both of us wanted to flip our shit at her… about the dishes. The alcohol I could care less about. As I sent her an angry text message about the dishes, and she apologized for the alcohol instead (ARGH!) it struck me how strange it was to have the issue of whether or not we had all the bowls in the sink at the end of the night ranking higher on our priority list than whether or not the teenager had an underage drink.
To be honest I don’t really give much of a care whether or not she smokes a joint or has a beer… her overall behavior and attitude are not one of someone with a problem, or who uses substances abusively, dangerously or irresponsibly: therefore, I don’t really care that much if she experiments. I’ve told her how I feel about it, and that my biggest priority is that she remain open with me – and she does. My parents had the same attitude with me, and I’ll (we’ll) have the same attitude with our kids when they get old enough to start dipping toes into the wonderful world of sex, drugs and rock and roll. I expect them to experiment: to assume they’ll behave like little idyllic visions of 1945-era teens is setting them up for failure. If they don’t ever toe outside the line, great, but if they do I’m not going to form a lynch mob. I care about their behavior and life as a whole… if it isn’t reflective of someone who has a serious problem and is using substances as an escape, coping mechanism or developing a problem? Go ahead. I’d rather they trust me enough to tell me about what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with than to lie and sneak and hide and create an atmosphere with my kids where rebellion and strife are necessary for survival.
– My dad’s girlfriend is staying with him over the next month, which means I get a lot more opportunities to get to know her. Other than the first, rather rushed and a little awkward introductions, I really love her. She’s fascinating and wonderfully intelligent, and it isn’t hard to see why dad is so captivated with her. This is a woman who was married for over 20 years to a pastor and was the perfect vision of a good Christian woman, heavily involved in the church and missionary work, before becoming disillusioned with the church after witnessing years of hypocrisy, and ended up striking out on her own for the first time in her life (at 46!) and enrolling in university to major in disability studies. A woman who can spontaneously break out in fluent, unbroken Cantonese in a store after “recognizing the merchant’s accent”, and no one knew she spoke it because she hadn’t done so in over 20 years and forgot to mention it. FORGOT TO MENTION IT. Like… what? Dad and Marika both stood there dumbfounded as she carried on a flawless conversation with the store owners. I mean, c’mon, you have to admit that’s pretty fucking awesome. The other day at dinner she broke out in French briefly and I could only think, “Of course she speaks French”, is there no end to her interestingness?
Oh, and she’s an incredibly gifted pianist and singer with an absolutely flawless voice. Of course she is.
– As I type this, my belly is jumping about with little baby feet. It’s at a point now where I can see it from the outside. I’m 21 weeks tomorrow.
– One particularly manic evening I wrangled Curtis into helping me rearrange the livingroom, which did not turn up any of the items we lost in it over the last six months. This includes his iPod touch. I’m becoming more and more convinced that we have a void somewhere in this house where objects are disappearing. Socks, spoons, bowls, mugs, iPods and jewelry.

Random pictures of the day:
Cats on the bed with me while I knit things.

Speaking of knitting: I’ve been trying to work on Tempest’s “Merry maiden dress” since August, now redubbed “UNHOLY DRESS FROM THE FIERY PITS OF HELL”. I hate this thing. So much.
I have restarted the bodice not once, not twice, not three times but five fucking times since I began this project. Ripped up the sleeves three times and redone them. Ripped back the shoulder straps four more times and redone those. I want to kill it. I WANT TO CUT IT INTO PIECES AND THROW IT IN A PIT. My Ravelry page for it is becoming increasingly nonsensical as time goes on. This project is going to make me lose my fucking mind.

My dad asked me to come by and take a quick, easy, updated headshot for a deadline that evening. As soon as I set up and stood up on a chair to start shooting, he starts crying. CRYING. His girlfriend sat on the couch behind me giggling at him as he sighs, “My daughter is taking pictures of me! My daughter the professional. I’m seeing her work! I’m so proud. Tee hee!”
“I love you too, dad. But can you please stop crying for a few minutes?”

Tempestisms:
On New Year’s Eve.
Curtis: “Tempest, are you excited to stay up tonight?”
Tempest: “Yes! Because I have TV!”

Quotes of the Day:
As I climb into the shower with Curtis he points at my belly and says “Belly!”
Me: “I feel like it’s bigger today. I think I’m bigger than I was at this point with Xan, but only in fullness. I don’t stick out as far. What do you think?”
Curtis, after a long pause: “… you’re pregnant!”
Me: “Whatever would I do without the intelligent observations you bring to our discussions?”

Growth chart of the day:

Links of the Day:
The Joy of Stats – A BBC4 production about… statistics. Boring as shit, right? It was rumoured to be a mind-blowing 54 minutes of information overload packed into a very cool documentary, and I was pretty curious about how a subject that’s generally pretty dull could be even momentarily interesting – so I went and gave it a shot. Turns out it’s not just interesting, it’s actually REALLY FREAKING AWESOME. I sat in bed and knitted for an hour while watching this, and by the end my mind was blown a little bit. Everyone else should do the same. If you’re not sure it’s up your alley, watch this little four-minute clip where the narrator [ plots the growth of 200 countries in wealth and health over 200 years, in 4 minutes, with interactive visuals ]: if this fascinates you, you’ll love the full version.
Sugata Mitra: Child-driven education – A Ted Talk about how children teach themselves. Hat tip to Nettie, who gave it to me after we discussed Tempest’s ability to teach herself her workbooks without any instructions.
Growing is Forever“I have a deep affection for the Redwood forests of Northern California. This is my best attempt to capture the reverence I feel when in the presence of these giants.” says creator, Jesse Rosten.
An open apology from Sarah Palin and others – A fictionalized apology regarding the Arizona shooting. “Let’s not make this about politics”.

Comments

comments

38 Comments

  • twirlgrrl says:

    Glad you’re kidding about ProActiv. It’s just benzoyl peroxide, highly overpriced.

    Ahhh, the redwoods. So beautiful. Now I want to sit in a redwood cathedral all day and be silent.

  • nutmegdealer says:

    i’ve got oily skin that’s extremely prone to breakouts and following paula begoun’s (the cosmetic cop) recommendations has worked for me.
    she says to:
    cleanse with something gentle. i use clean and clear’s sensitive face wash which is identical to and cheaper than purpose wash.
    exfoliate with 2% salicylic acid, then disinfect with benzoyl peroxide. start with the 2.5% and work your way up to 10% if it doesn’t work.

  • pegosmi says:

    In my opinion, one of the worst things about acne is that other people (with clear skin, of course) just don’t understand how much it can cloud your self confidence. I’ve never felt the need to wear makeup everyday, but now that I’m struggling with the type of acne in that picture I will not leave the house without concealer. It totally sucks. I’m cool with my boobs, my stretch marks, my butt.. it’s just my fucking skin that refuses to cooperate!

    Unfortunately for me, the only things that have worked in the past (and I’ve run the gamut of remedies, from TTO and other natural stuff to full-on aldosterone inhibitors) has been oral contraceptives and oral antibiotics, neither of which I’m comfortable popping every day. Currently I succumbed to another round of oral antibiotics and after a week, my skin is looking much better. It’s a double-edged sword.

    FYI – MAC studio fix concealer is absolutely the best I’ve found. It doesn’t irritate my skin and it doesn’t dry my skin out, which is absolutely horrible. Nothing worse than flaking, pimply cheeks covered with concealer. But ymmv,I know that some people hate this stuff.

  • fallingwthu says:

    I wish I had my children young, but I was your age when I started and now I’m nearly 40 with a baby. Sigh, how do the stars who start in their 30s do it? I felt extremely sick, tired, and so run down all the time. Near the end I cried a lot from the pain in my back, hips, joints, and how the baby always moved inside of me.

  • binks says:

    I’m always amazed by how involved and epically long your dreams are — like others you’ve detailed here, about living entire lives. Are your dreams usually intensely vivid, too?

    & thanks for posting that video about the redwoods. I live in Humboldt County, very close to where those images were taken.

    • admin says:

      I usually do have very vivid dreams, but when I’m pregnant it’s particularly “big”. When I start dreaming it’s like there’s a whole world there. Memories, a lifetime, months or years of history. Things just sort of ‘fill in’ around it. I’ve become better at lucid dreaming in the last few months (strangely enough, through controlling sex dreams) which has directly affected how detailed my dreams are, or how I remember them. It also helps that if I keep my computer next to me at night so if I have a really vivid dream, I can immediately reach over an write it down before it fades.

  • I tried Proactive and it was crap. It made me break out worse than I had before. Then I started using this: http://www.cetaphil.com/Products/DailyFacialCleanser.aspx and this: http://www.bareescentuals.com/RareMinerals-Blemish-Therapy/42809,default,pd.html?start=4&cgid=BE_RARE
    They have the benefit of being really cheap too. My skin is better than it has been since before puberty. It even helps with the breakouts I got right before my period.

  • crustyshoes says:

    I’ve had acne since I was 8. I tried everything, and the only thing that ever worked for me was Scrub Your Nose In It by Soap & Glory. I like it much better than Pro Activ and is $15 instead of the $75 a 2 month supply of Pro Activ costs in Canada. I do a mask with it once a week and alternate between that and a natural face wash the rest of the time. It is probably too harsh to use twice a day, but it’s an idea if nothing else works.

    Do you have a picture of what Tempest’s dress will look like finished? That sounds like a rough project!

    Love the kitty pictures.

    • admin says:

      The dress pattern is probably not as hard as it seems, it’s just that the tension the author asks for is impossible to achieve (4st/per inch on size 7 needles with worsted yarn. WTF!) and the pattern failed to mention that the measurements it asks for are when BLOCKED AND STRETCHED rather than at rest. It took me three do-overs to realize that. I bought his pattern, too.

      • crustyshoes says:

        WOW! That’s kind of incredible. It looks really hard, but then I’m a new knitter so everything looks hard to me.

        Have other people been having the same trouble with the pattern? I hope you figure it out with no more frustrations.

  • Oh, and also…

    The “Joy of Stats” link isn’t working because the video is set to private. Stats are kind of my thing so I was particularly disappointed about this.

    • admin says:

      Re: Oh, and also…

      WHAT? It was public literally a few days ago and had hundreds of thousands of views!! WTF!

      Maybe you can find it elsewhere, try a search for it. It’s a BBC4 production and is about an hour and some long.

  • I have occasional hormone-related acne and I’ve found that the only thing that has ever helped me is Tea Tree Oil.

    I’ve found the best thing to do is wash your face with some mild cleanser (I used the Vitamin C wash from The Body Shop), then take some tissues or toilet paper to pop them in order to avoid getting the bacteria from your fingernails/hands in the buggers and making the matter worse. Then take a Q-tip end drenched in Tea Tree Oil and put in directly on the open bit. Then – and this part is important – DON’T TOUCH IT. My husband is terrible for touching them and defeating the point of the whole process.

    Not only does the Tea Tree Oil reduce the swelling and get rid of the bacteria, but it also reduces any scarring. I should warn you that it smells incredibly strongly, however, so you should be ready for that if you’re going to be putting in on your whole cheek.

    Tea Tree Oil is fantastic. It solves essentially everything.

    • admin says:

      This may be true, but TTO is also highly irritating when used directly and should always, always be diluted in a carrier oil before application to skin. Real TTO will burn the shit out of your face if you apply it directly. O_o I know because I’ve done it to burn off keloid scarring on a piercing.

      • robynz says:

        Oh neat, you can do that?

        • admin says:

          Yep, but I’ve read/been told it works best on fresh scarring that’s still soft rather than the kind that’s years old. It was that or an aspirin paste that were recommended by my piercer, I tried the paste first and my face swelled up like a big red balloon. TTO was fine, and it worked great, but practically burned a hole in my nose when I accidentally used too much.

  • After having no acne whatsoever in adolescence, I developed the exact same cheek acne when I started taking the progesterone-only mini-pill a few years ago. I stopped taking the pill after two months, and the acne persisted for YEARS.

    The only thing that worked for me was taking ibuprofen; once the inflammation was under control, it stopped getting worse and became way less noticeable. Jojoba oil worked really well for keeping everything smooth. I finally (after years, and after it started getting better) decided to just own it and stop wearing make up, and it has been slowly disappearing ever since.

  • mammaopal says:

    Do you have any sources of information on alcohol consumption in pregnancy that are NOT sourced from the UK? I have a hard time trusting any studies out of the UK on the subject since I watched a horrible british documentary about the subject of FASD. The opinions of alcohol consumption during pregnancy in the UK are insanely biased and outdated. They are way behind on their research.

    My son’s child psychitrist explained to me that even one drink at the wrong time can cause FASD considering the tiny size of the fetus and it’s non functional liver. If I had had even one drink during my pregnancy, my son would be diagnosed with FASD since his neurological defecits are so similar to the disorder, even without the facial markers.

    • admin says:

      There’s actually been a lot more research on it lately, and the consensus continues to be that light to moderate drinking is fine and is NOT linked to FASD. To be honest, they’ve found that FASD can occur in pregnancies where women consumed none as well. Defects and FASD has only been linked in excess of several units per day. So, binge drinking and alcoholism… and new evidence suggests this may be more related to the impacts of addiction, rather than the volume of substance itself.

  • Anonymous says:

    Adult Acne

    I never struggled with acne too much as a teen, but around the start of my 20s I had some hormonal burst where my boobs grew 3 cup sizes and I started breaking out like I was in full blown puberty. I did the same thing you’re doing with the harsh medicated creams and gels, and found that was irritating the problem and made it much worse. I know each person is different, but here’s what worked for me… I use Aveeno Ultra-Calming facewash and moisturizer, which helps cut the redness A LOT. Then I use a mineral makeup (I use Everyday Minerals which offers free samples for just the cost of shipping). I found the goopy, creamy concealers and foundations were just clogging me up more. This works for me, and I’ve never had complements on my skin until using the mineral makeup for a few months… it might be worth looking into. Hope it clears up soon!

    • admin says:

      Re: Adult Acne

      The mineral make-up definitely helps, I have the same brand you’ve mentioned and I love it.
      For me, Aveeno and those kind of stuff end up irritating. Anything with scents in it gets me. πŸ™ Aveeno USED to be the only pure oatmeal soap you could get, back in the early 80’s or something, and once upon a time it was the only soap I could use on my skin… then they got bought out and became a chemical-laden crap brand like everyone else. Boo.

      But the Persagel cream and Spectro medicated wash is actually helping. Especially in combination with an acne oil blend I picked up from a local naturopath.

      • Anonymous says:

        Re: Adult Acne

        I used to also have really bad redness around my nostrils and down to the corners of my mouth, and I’ve always thought the Aveeno is what’s helped calm that, but maybe it’s just the minerals. I also sometime use a CHEAP product called “Purpose gentle cleansing bar” (like under $5 cheap) after exercise/when my skin feels oily, and that’s gentle and nice… It doesn’t irritate my redness, and it makes that slimy, oily film feeling go away. (I think those are both Johnston and Johnston products, so maybe just their particular mix of chemicals works for my skin haha)

        • admin says:

          Re: Adult Acne

          The weird thing is I’ve NEVER had oily skin. Even now, with all the terrible acne, my skin is still quite dry. Most of the acne preparations are designed for oily skin and it makes mine SO tight it practically starts cracking. Ick.

          • Anonymous says:

            Re: Adult Acne

            I would shy away from proactiv if you have dry and sensitive skin, because even with oily skin, proactiv dried my skin out to the point of feeling tight and cracky. And it was “exfoliating” to the point of being scratchy. Also, one of my roommates used it religiously, and it BLEACHES towels and pajamas… which makes me think I should not be using it on my very very sensitive skin… I’ve heard of people using roughly crushed up asprin (salicylic acid, which is an active ingredient in most acne washes) and crushing it up and adding it to honey or other “natural” ingredients to make an exfoliating mask/scrub that is also gentle and natural. This might help with the dryness as well as the acne?

            • admin says:

              Re: Adult Acne

              I wasn’t actually serious about the Proactiv thing. πŸ˜‰

              I’m allergic to aspirin, actually found that out by crushing it up and putting it on my skin… and have done all the natural remedies, as mentioned in the entry. I’ve been at this for about 4.5 months now. :-/

  • Anonymous says:

    i have a certian condition which causes me to have migraines very VERY often, and i can tell you that nausea is definately a pre-symptom on a huge one coming on.

    i’m not pregnant and have never been pregnant so i dont know if thats your case.

    (im in an awful mood, if this comes off snarky it’s not intended to be. right now i just cant tell)

    • admin says:

      It doesn’t. πŸ™‚

      I’ve had chronic migraines since I received my PD treatment, but the frequency/severity of the attacks sort of gets random and seems triggered by hormones more often than not. I’ve never had nausea as a pre symptom for migraines, so I’m totally not used to that!

  • facethemoon says:

    Your dad is so handsome! His new girlfriend sounds wonderful!

    OMG the acne! I actually don’t get any when I’m pregnant, although when I’m menstruating, I get one breakout just before I bleed (stupid hormones), like one spot, and it makes me SO CRAZY! After I finish breastfeeding too, I’ve gone through a drop of hormones in the past with T that results in a breakout period for a month or so. I HATE IT!!!!! So yeah, I feel your pain, that’s awful.

    Also, I totally felt like my pregnancy was SO MUCH HARDER with K as opposed to T, where I was 19 when T, and 25 with K. I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that K was 1.5lbs bigger or what, but my joints and legs and everything ached constantly. How do these women around town do it at 45 with their first?

    I’m sorry we didn’t have a chance to get together before the holidays ended for me. Maybe we could meet for breakfast before my classes one day next week? I don’t start until 12:30 most days.

  • mybonnykate says:

    Wow, that hand-tinted photo is… actually astonishingly realistic.

    Mmmmmm the redwoods video. Homesickness. Love for the redwoods. Ache ache ache.

    Your dad was crying! That’s awesome.

  • robynz says:

    Curtis cracks me up. ilu guize.

  • Tempest totally has your dad’s eyes.

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