DePhoMo #10 :
This image is suffering with severe lens distortion. While I do have a five-head (or seven head, maybe..) it’s not quite this macrocephalic.

Adding a comparison between pregnancies. I feel smaller than I was last time (with Xan) but looking back it appears I’m around the same size if not a little larger.

I think part of the disconnect is that I barely ever feel this baby moving, I’m assuming this is largely due to my anterior placenta placement.

DePhoMo #11:
I forgot to take a picture today, so here’s an oldie. This is the first time I held Marika in the hospital after she was born. A not-as-crazy Krazy is on the left, and our dad on the right. This image is a screen-capture from a home video, but I have no idea who was holding the camera.

Once upon a time, Krazy was a good mom to me, too. Although the weirdness started on that day: a brand new baby sleeper I had gifted my new sibling is being used to tie back my waist-length hair because she forbid me from holding or touching my sister until my long hair was either cut, or tied back. Later this grew into an obsession of hers, and she went after me with scissors on more than one occasion. She cut all of her own hair off within a few months, too.

I look like a small child in these images, but keep in mind they were taken pre-dwarfism-treatment. I sort of was a small child (physically eight) until about six months following the treatment, which took place the summer after I turned 14.




  • itsyspy70 says:

    So awhile back I linked your livejournal (and some birth posts specifically) to a pregnant friend. She gave birth to her daughter at home a week ago at 39.5 weeks and after a high-risk pregnancy, and finished the editing on her birth video today. Figured you would love to see it, so following are links to the vid and her blogpost with birthstory.

  • robynz says:

    I held Jericho in my heart next to my cousin Ryan tonight at the Kelowna Compassionate Friends candle lighting ceremony, which this year fell on the 5 year anniversary of his departure. It was hard not to cry for your loss as well.


  • twirlgrrl says:

    So how old were you in the video? Because yeah, I would have guessed 7 or 8.

    • admin says:

      Yeah, not even close. 😛 If I was 7 there that would have made me 15 when I got married! I mean, I got married “young” but I was actually LEGALLY ALLOWED TO. Haha!

      That’s why I was (and remain) so self-conscious about my appearance. People believe I am, and therefore treat me like, a teenager. It’s not only frustrating but it’s also extremely disrespectful. People don’t treat often teenagers very nicely.
      I didn’t change at all from age 8 through 14.5 – literally not at all. No growth, no sexual development, no changes other than mental. It was humiliating. When I was diagnosed they took my bone age, which told them my body clock abruptly stopped just after my 8th birthday. :-/ The treatment is extremely problematic and left me with a lot of life-long complications, but it also left me alive so it’s the lesser of two evils.

      • twirlgrrl says:

        It must be, er, interesting to have a window into how teenagers are treated long after you’ve outgrown any suspicion that you might somehow deserve to be treated that way. (I hope you know what I mean, I’m not feeling super articulate.)

        I have a friend who was treated with something like the opposite of what you got, because her whole family is giant. She ended up only 5’11” while her sister is 6’3″.

      • sascha says:

        Out of curiosity, what did they do to treat it?

        • admin says:

          I don’t know, or more accurately remember, the details. They probably told me at the time… but what I remember of the treatment days was going in early and taking handfuls upon handfuls of pills that made me hallucinate some seriously fucked up shit and eventually pass out. I slept for something like two days and they drew blood every half hour (for some reason they had to wake me up EVERY TIME THEY DID THIS – I have no idea why, but I assume it was important). I know I was being pumped with hormones during that time, and I’m pretty sure I had a brain scan or one of those EEG (ekg?) machines hooked up to my head. There was *something* in my scalp, at least. I remember the glue staying in my hair for six months despite our best efforts to get it out.

          They had to monitor me really carefully for some time after (and prior to that as well) with all sorts of weird-ass tests like making me run up and down 12 flights of stairs and then taking my blood to look for a hormone that your adrenals or pituitary usually produces at 2am but they can force out through too much exercise. This was particularly difficult as I had very bad uncontrolled asthma at the time.

          They were trying to jump start my pituitary gland, and if that didn’t work I’d have to have daily hormone shots for six years. Fortunately, it worked and my pituitary gave one giant sputter and rumble before spitting out of existence again. I grew really weird and fast for the next six months or so, hit a bizarre forced puberty, grew breasts, got a period (a fucked up period) and seriously fucked my bones, muscles and teeth. They neglected to tell me and my mom until AFTER that this was all very normal and unavoidable.
          I’ve only ever met one person with the same problem, and she had the daily shots instead. The shots destroyed her adrenal glands and gave her Addison’s Disease, which nearly killed her. Both of us reached the same height and had much of the same fertility/pain problems as a result of treatment, though she had primary ovarian failure and hit menopause by 20 or 21 and can’t have kids. 🙁 I was lucky: my puberty lasted longer before it got fucked up, and the symptoms of menopause hadn’t kicked in by the time I conceived Tempest. Successful pregnancy and breastfeeding sort of reorganizes the hormones, and it staved off my menopause until 18 months prior to this baby’s conception (and yes, made official by a doctor – not self-diagnosed). This baby is technically a menopause baby, and happened on my third ovulation in the last year. We were *extremely* lucky, and tbh I had very little hope we’d conceive. As soon as I wean I expect to be thrust headlong back into menopause again, and unless we decide to TTC while I’m still breastfeeding this is our last biological baby.

  • See I think it looks like Jericho…
    17 weeks! Crazy! I feel like just yesterday you were trying to figure out how to get pregnant again and posting charts

  • facethemoon says:

    God you’re gorgeous! And how the hell are you 17 weeks already!? Pregnancy is flying by! (I also can’t WAIT to snuggle your baby! Hurry up May!)

    Oops I prematurely hit post –
    Also, K and Marika have almost identical profiles. It sounds like she’s suffered badly from untreated PPD and other mental health issues. Not that it excuses her kraziness…

    • wolfteaparty says:

      I once read an article about postpartum OCD, where new mothers start to obsess about hygiene and bad things happening to the baby… Krazy’s obsession about any hair near her baby really reminds me of this.

    • admin says:

      I think that too… I think it started with PPD and very clearly began into PPP. It was untreated and undiagnosed. She refused help, even when it started going past her abuses of me (which were primarily done in private, when my father wasn’t around) and she started getting more public with them… to me it was a sign she was losing her grip. At first she knew what she was doing was not right, but after a while she didn’t anymore.

      Once, JUST once, I managed to have a real conversation with her where we were both open and I talked to her about the things she did to me. I told her I could forgive her for them, and I don’t hate her.
      She had no memory of them. None. She swore it never happened. And then took that back and instead tried to convince me it was my father that did it all. Even though multiple friends, family members (including dad) all witnessed her spiral and eventually her horrific treatment of me. Then she started story-telling… and I had to change the subject. As useless as that conversation ended up being, it did give me one revelation: I think she really believes the stories she tells. :-/

  • K looks like Marika in the second image.

    I’m sorry your relationship with K changed for the worst after Marika was born; that must have been difficult for you.

    Your belly seems similar in shape to with Tempest…I wonder if that means a girl’s in the works.

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