My entries are becoming increasingly out of sorts as I slip further into insomnia-induced dementia, so until I get a few really good sleeps this is probably going to continue.

The other night I finally made use of all those suggestions I received on a blog entry asking about point and shoot cameras, and we went out to get one. Last night we drove up to Futureshop with the list of recommendations and began poking at all the displays.
About 14 people suggested “Panasonic Lumix”, but no one gave me a model number… so after looking through about 11 different types I gave up on that line completely and focused on the more familiar brands. More points against it was that the Panasonic cameras were the only displays that didn’t work: they apparently took batteries instead of specialized recharging battery disc flat thing… thing. And the commission guys said they couldn’t risk people stealing double-A’s so they just took them out.
Brilliant. No wonder they weren’t selling.
We ended up taking home the Canon Powershot 1300IS for way less money than I thought we were going to pay. It is pretty stinkin’ cool thus far; I’m impressed. The last time I had a point and shoot was an old Kodak Easyshare. It was 5 whopping megapixels and cost over $500. A single one gigabyte SD card to go with it cost another $120. Thank god technology has become so much more affordable.

Back to the topic at hand: I very much like this camera. It has all the things we need, like basic picture taking function, ability to customize without bricking, video capture, intuitive controls, futuristic button pressing noises…

After dinner that night, and after the battery was charged up, I sat down on the bed with Curtis and gave him an impromptu lesson in photography. I took apart my Nikon DSLR and explained all the functions, how the sensor reads light, how it takes photos and the relationship between ISO, shutter speed and aperture. He listened, and was interested, but has absolutely no concept of this stuff and thinks it’s ridiculously complicated for his feeble brain (his words, not mine). I, on the other hand, think it’s merely a matter of willpower: everyone can learn. Besides, I’m not trying to teach him an entire trade, I wanted him to be able to know what all the settings do and figure out how to change them to best suit the situation. He’s not really much of a self-taught-learner, so if I don’t offer a few basic lessons he’ll probably spend the next six months handing the camera to me every time he wants to snap a photo. Which is exactly what we’re trying to avoid by buying this.

Tempest wandered in about half-way through my instructional presentation and started listening in around the part where I discussed depth of field and composition. She seemed to be interested in what I was saying, but didn’t ask any questions. When we were done chatting, Curtis went back to read Xan a story and give him some cuddle time and Tempest took that opportunity to borrow the camera for a test run. She came back with some pretty decent photos of the cats – I was genuinely impressed. I asked her why she thought they were good pictures and she answered, “I came in close so there’s less distraction in the background”.

OH MY HEART.

I had to forcibly remove it from her hands when her bedtime came. She wanted to sleep with it.
After she was fast asleep Curtis started taking pictures of my cleavage and threatened to use them as his Facebook profile photo. When I expressed my distain for this idea he made a few equally interesting suggestions:

Curtis: I could take pictures of you while you were sleeping.
Me: That’s always so unflattering. What are you going to do, arrange my breasts to make sure you get their best side?
Curtis: No, that would wake you up. I’d just get under the covers with a flashlight and take some close ups of your vagina.
Me: Because you’d totally want to use a picture like that one day while I’m gone working.
Curtis: Oh no not for that. This is strictly scientific. Simply for study.
Me: For study?
Curtis: I’d just load it into the computer and stare at it. You know, figure out how it works.
Me: Or how to work with it?
Curtis: Exactly! Now you’ve got it. …Wait! I could hook it up to one of those giant touch screens like on Fox news! Get a laser pointer and just draw all over it. Battle plans. Team strategies. “Alpha squad will amass here and then attack from the south. At 22:00 tomorrow we’ll meet at the entrance and move inward. Then outward. Then inward again.”
Me: You are seriously fucked up.
Curtis: Oh man, I could actually rig up something like that with my Wiimotes! Oh my god. I could be playing with a picture of your vagina on my Wii. The Wii has so many, many uses.

We spent the rest of the evening inventing new uses for the camera and taking pictures of our feet while we curled up on the couch watching episodes of Dr. Who.

Curtis and Marika have both been obsessed with Dr. Who (the 2005 series) for ages now. Mom is in on it too, and now EVEN TEMPEST wants to be out watching episode marathons all night long. Every evening she begs to watch with us (something we do when the kids are sleeping), so we let her get through at least one before her bed time comes. That isn’t good enough for her, though. We’ve caught her sneaking into the hallway to get a peek at the screen a dozen times now.
Up until recently I was the only person in the house not hooked on this show, and thusly refused to watch a single episode under reasoning that it was already far too popular and was becoming a household problem.
Unfortunately, my previous attempts to resist household addictions didn’t give the best results, and this show is no exception.

They would all start marathoning while I was working and I’d end up hearing something interesting and sneaking over to peek at the screen just like Tempest was doing.
Every time I got myself sucked into another episode I’d go through the same cycle: “This is a stupid show”, “Wait, what’s happening? How did that get there? What did he mean?”, “When can I see what happens next?”, “This is a stupid show”, ad nauseam. I finally gave in a few weeks ago after watching the cliffhanger episodes from this last season and absolutely fucking NEED to know what is going on.
So Curtis restarted the marathon for me and we’ve been spending way, way too much time sucked in. This is exactly how all of our other TV show problems began.


A few photos from the Canon point and shoot camera today. I’m really going to need to think of a nickname for it so I don’t have to keep writing out, “the canon point and shoot camera” every time I post something from it.

Tempest riding her bike. She’s a pro at it now, it’s like her biking switch just suddenly turned on and she is instantaneously amazing.

Some of Tempest’s photos:

Bonus picture, not from the camera:
Curtis fell asleep on me like this last night. I didn’t have a proper camera within reach, so I held my laptop up over my head and used the webcam.

Quotes of the Day:

Tempest at the park, while playing with a 12 year old girl.
Girl: That boy there has a crush on me… what should I do?
Tempest: …Hide?

Curtis, to Xan who is reaching into his shorts leg: “Hey! No one is allowed in my pants!”
Marika walks by and says, “Hooray! I finally have my sister back!

While Curtis and I are walking out of the library, he steps into the sun and turns to me while talking about something. I had this fantastic moment of seeing how amazingly hot he is and sort of stood there with my mouth open.
Curtis: What?
Me: You’re sexy right now.
Curtis: Oh really?
Now he’s being silly and preening, so I play along.
Me: Just looking at you gives me a girl boner.
Curtis: A… what?
Me: Girl boner.
Curtis: What the fuck is that? Make your… clit hard?
Me: No, no. It means a girl boner.
Curtis: Can’t you just say, “it makes me wet” instead? I am seriously disturbed by this concept of a girl boner.
Me: Why?
Curtis: Because it’s just not right!
Me: GIRRRRL BOOOOOONEEERRRR.
Curtis: I’m not listening to this.
Me: It’s from the internet.
Curtis: Of course it is.

10 minutes later I realize he’s staring at my breasts while we walk, so naturally I grab his arm and discreetly put it between them to bug him.

Curtis: I believe those are your breasts I feel.
Me: Why, yes they are.
Curtis: What are you doing with them?
Me: … trying to give you a guy boner?
Curtis: Okay. You know what they call Brazil nuts in Brazil?
Me: … cashews?
Curtis: NUTS.
I’m not responding because I’m laughing.
Curtis: A French breakfast in France is just breakfast! Canadian bacon in Canada!
Me: Actually we tend to call that one “ham”.
Curtis: BO. NER.
Me: A guy boner?
Curtis: JUST A BONER. Saying ‘guy boner’ to a guy makes it sound like I only just recently started qualifying as a guy. “Do you get that guy thing? You know… a guy boner?”
Me: Well do you?
Curtis: No.

A few more minutes later
In the middle of talking to me Curtis suddenly says in a really harsh voice: “GO AWAY. I SAID GET THE HELL AWAY.”
Me: What.
Curtis: The bee.
Me: The bee? *I realize there’s a bee flying directly in front of his face*
Curtis: It usually works when I say tha– GO AWAY.
Me: Yeah, but you don’t have to be such an asshole about it.
Curtis: Oh I’m sorry, did I offend the bee’s delicate sensibilities? Did I scare away it’s little bee boner?

An exchange between Curtis and I upon my reading a comment from someone, somewhere, about wanting to “trib” with her (same sex) partner.
Me: She quotes herself as asking for it by name. “Hey baby lets get us all up in some tribadism”. Who uses words like that during sex? Can’t you just call it ‘scissoring’? Apparently it’s also called ‘clit-clacking’.
Curtis: You’re serious.
Me: I’d rather it be called that than ‘tribadism’. Clinical terms are not sexy. I mean really… that’s like saying, ‘How about a little non-penetrative consensual sexual intercourse? I think performing the act would bring about variable external temperatures.’
Curtis: Mmmm. A state of solidarity has come upon my phallus, infant.
Me: Has your body’s core temperature risen above nominal levels?
Curtis: Affirmative! Oh, your internal space capacity has decreased!
Me: You are probably aware that I enjoy your colloquial use of obscene vernacular during this act. Do not cease. DO NOT CEASE!

Links of the Day:
Body pleasure and the origins of violence – An absolutely fascinating study about the relationship between pleasure and violence. This discusses how attitudes about premarital sex, masturbation and even how often we hold our babies can contribute to a violent society.
A collection of dueling gay protest signs – Some of these are hilarious. My favourite is, “Jesus had two dads and he turned out fine”.
She Gotta Bump – A rap about maiesiophilia, except with a pleasant, “love yourself” message.
Russia more than a century ago, captured in photographs – Fucking brilliant. That’s all I can say. Colour photographs from 1910, through basic technology (black and white photographs + filters + gelled latern light) and the mind of a genius. Simply astounding.
Eva Mendes Sex Tape – Exactly what it sounds like. But safe for work.
Yo yo amazingness – As Curtis said, “This is the kind of guy that makes yo-yos cool”.
Zombie ants – Ants taken over by a fungus’ need to live. Really, this is for real. (hat tip to Jenrose)
The Magic Number – A good article about pumping breastmilk and working, and how to get your magic number of pumps/feeds during the day to best maintain your milk supply.
Fuck you – The best little song ever. Obviously NSFW, but probably a lot better than you think.
The “Emergency” c-section – This was a clever video response to those L&D Nurse created videos that claimed to be “letting off steam” and were more like an excuse to ruthlessly mock race, class and informed consent. [ context here ]

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