Curtis came home yesterday and I was sitting on the computer, sans babies.
“How was your day?”
“It was okay,” he begrudged. He held up his hand, bearing a blood-soaked bandage over a finger.
“What did you do?”
“I cut off part of my finger.”
“Did you go to the hospital?!”
“No.”
“WHY THE FUCK NOT!?”
“It’s not that bad. It’s just still bleeding, that’s all.”
“When did you do it?”
“10am this morning.” It was 4:30pm then.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

He went to the bathroom to change the bandage and showed me the wound. I felt faint. I put Xan in the carrier and we went to the walk-in clinic. I was so pissed off. I mean not pissed– no, I was pissed off. What in god’s name possesses someone to not seek medical attention when they cut off part of their finger?
He assured me he went into his boss’ office and spent a half hour with his hand above his head. (It was all covered in a finger cot and all that stuff so the food safe police needn’t freak).

The whole way there I was muttering to him. I can’t believe he didn’t go to a clinic, or a hospital, and that no one there suggested the same thing? Are you all on crack?
“It’s not that bad,” Curtis reiterated. “They’re probably just going to give me a bandage and send me home again.”
“Don’t be a man.”
He scoffed at me.
“You know who else was being a man?”
“Who?”
“The Black Knight. Does ‘It’s only a flesh wound’ ring a bell?”
He started laughing. “But it IS only a flesh wound. I went back to work because I was bored. I sat in his office for a half hour.”
“When you come home with only nine fingers you’re going to wish you were still bored!

The clinic was closed, so we had to go back home and get the car to go to the other clinic, the one that is open past 4pm. There was nobody there, at all, so we actually had zero wait time (a first). The doctor took him in the back and, in absence of any flesh left to stitch together, he cauterized it. I had to leave the room when he gave him the needle, because I can’t deal with needles. I came back in for the cauterizing, though. As I walked out I heard the doctor say to Curtis, “Now that’s what I call support,” sarcastically. When I came back I told him that if I’d stayed he’d be treating me and the baby, too. I faint at the sight of needles, and Xan was in the mei-tei.
Curtis really has only two phobias: pain and water on his face. He really looked like he was going to cry when the guy started up what he called “The frying machine”. He really built the drama by inviting another male nurse to watch while he “fried this guy’s finger”, and then left the door open.
Despite the scariness, it actually didn’t hurt at all. He said he couldn’t feel anything but a slight heat, but within an hour and a half the feeling started to come back and the bleeding returned (just a little bit, though). Today he’s changed the bandages twice but at least it’s not pouring blood like it was yesterday. He’s taken off most of one side/top of his finger and part of the fingernail. Them’s some sharp knives they play with.

Curtis told me it will heal into a big ugly scar, and jokingly added that chicks dig scars.
“Chicks dig the lifestyle that leads to the scarring,” I said. “Not the scars themselves. They also don’t dig stupid scars.”
“It’s not stupid.”
“Not getting any treatment for over six hours is stupid.”
He was teasing now. “But it’ll leave a nice big scar; that will make you want me all the time.”
“The fear of getting pregnant outweighs the desire to fuck somebody with a big scar.”
“Manly scar.”
“Vasectomy.”
“Have sex with you?”
Vah-sect-oh-me!” He honestly misheard me.
“Oh.”
“Are you hearing anything I say?”
“What? Have sex with you?”

Comments

comments

Categories: Uncategorized

45 Comments

  • brightsoul says:

    wow…its funny i never realized how much vasectomy legitimately sounds like ‘have sex with me’….though i doubt curtis honestly mishead you the first time πŸ˜‰

  • wendytthomas says:

    Oh goodness. Men. My brother took off the top/side/fingernail of one of his middle fingers. He did it in high school, AT high school, on the stage as he was preparing it for a performance. So he had no choice but to seek medical attention. High school + blood splattered stage = medical attention. His finger was wonky shaped and scarred for a while, they were able to sew back on the part that had been taken off (it was hanging on by a thread), but it was like having a ball on top of his finger for years. Now, though, you couldn’t tell he had done anything. You need to look closely and have him point it out. And that finger was seriously misshapen for years.

    Vasectomy/Have sex with me. LOL Both in the same general region, but night and day meanings. LOL Men really only do think of one thing.

  • Sheesh! Men.

    Matt’s dad cut off half of his hand with an ax and tried to stitch it up himself. Seriously. He was finally rushed to the hospital when he almost passed out from blood loss. He also refused to go to physio and lost a lot of motor ability in his hand. Men…

  • My husband cut his knuckle open to the bone with a pocket knife a few years back and repaired it with duct tape. *headdesk* Men…

  • mommajm says:

    How scary! I’m glad he’s ok. Wayne sliced his finger making salad for company once and didn’t want to ruin our dinner party by leaving for the ER.

  • Would he really get a vasectomy? Hubby was all for a vasectomy; in fact, we were going to go get one when we found out I was pregnant. :/

    Now he’s saying maybe one more??? I don’t know if it would even happen. I think I only had the one good egg.

    We’ll see. *buys LOTTO tickets just in case*

  • Cauterization is so disgusting. I give Curtis props for being able to sit through it and not freak out.

  • oysterjaw says:

    You’ve gotten a nice collection of horror stories here. I love how sharing people are with their experiences at times like this, “Oh, I once lost one of toes/ears/legs in a painful sounding and graphically explained situation. Just thought you should know.”
    Ha.

  • devilgrrl says:

    I sliced my thumb down to the bone on my husband’s computer a few years back. I out and out refused to go to the ER like an idiot. I ended up using super glue to close it and I still have a lump from the way the adipose layer healed. Only a dainty little scar though.

    The vasectomy bit is priceless.

  • carlos2112 says:

    Poor Curis. I hurt just thinking about it. I never realized being a chef could be so dangerous.

    “Have sex with you?”

    And wow, I have that same problem:

    Emily: Should we go eat, now?
    Me: Sure, now’s a good time for sex.

    Maybe it’s just wishful thinking…

  • dietcokehed says:

    OMG, Men! I don’t get that either. A friend of mine was sick a few weeks ago, I told him to see a Dr., he didn’t, it progressed to pneumonia. Should I say “told you so”?

    I’ve been cauterized…twice. I had an artery growing out of my thumb o.O which was entertainment for the staff to watch have removed. Then scar tissue after I had the kids. Yeah, in there :-\ Luckily I had the twins with me, at six weeks old, screaming while I’m on the table, so I was nicely distracted from the pain…

    Once when my friend and I went to Santa Cruz, she cut her finger while cutting an orange. It wouldn’t stop bleeding. We went to a drug store to get band-aids, butterfly bandages, etc. After she was bandaged we deemed her ok, and a doctor visit wasn’t necessary. Then she bumped it and the flood started again so we went to a walk-in. While waiting the bleeding stopped again. I said it should still be checked, just in case, now that I had experience with finger arteries…just makin’ sure she didn’t hit one. She joked he would probably just put a band-aid on it.

    He did.

  • I worked in a bakery when I was in high school, and cut off a fair chunk of one of my fingernails in the bread slicer. Didn’t hurt at ALL until I put it under running water, and then I thought I was going to pass out. I’m surprised he wasn’t in more pain! Hope he heals well!

  • OMG my roommate did the SAME THING. He would NOT go to the doctor and he cut the entire pad of his pinky off (the first time he cut his finger, I shit you not, it was HALF the top tip of his index finger…nail n all). Neither time he went to the doctor and it healed fine and believe it or not, his scar is barely noticeable. I don’t know if tht will be true for curtis, beings as they cauterized it. I don’t know much about that type of wound. Good for him for going though, even though it took you prodding him. Max would NOT go. Nope. But whatever, it healed fine.

  • What is it with men and injuries? Matt got a nice head wound when we were dating-he caught a thick wooden door in the face due to a jackass in a hurry and not paying attention and busted his eyebrow open. Then stood there and argued with me and a friend for over 10 minutes about going to the E.R. While the blood poured down his face the whole time-he wanted to print something out for class, get food, etc. By the time I got him looked at he had a nice concussion and scar. Yet if I get hurt it’s all: “Did you call the doctor?” for like, a paper cut.

  • missrayder says:

    eww, eww, eww, eww, EWW!

    ha. vasectomy.

  • florassecret says:

    Men are big babies when it comes to pain…

  • Men……they are all alike in this area I think! LOL! Im glad he has a good wife who knows better than he, and got him taken care of!
    Now, to be morbidly horrid….post a pic?

  • teechers_pet says:

    What a guy thing to do! I would’ve been upset too. I wonder what he’d do if he would’ve cut the whole thing off!

  • Tim cut half way through his thumb with a paper slicer when i was 39 weeks pregnant. So i’m sitting in the weighting room with him about to pop. Someone was all “OMg get this girl a wheel chair she’s in LABOR!”

    Apparently they missed the big bloody towel around tims hand…

  • I think most men would choose to misunderstand “vasectomy”. So funny!

  • oopidsnot says:

    Men are funny. I recall one of my sisters’ boyfriends chainsawing logs with my dad in our ‘front yard.’ My dad was running up to him and waving his arms about, but of course the boyfriend didn’t hear because of the ear muffs. The chainsaw went further than he intended without realizing that he had cut open his knee. It was a huge gash!

    Jon put his hand through a window a little while ago, and I was the one freaking out at him and urging him to go to the hospital. The hospital wait was terrible. Turns out it was a good day for mauling oneself. Jon’s wound was clotted over before the doctors got to him, so they had to reopen it, clean it out and stitch him up. He got someone who had never actually stitched before. It took this guy 20 minutes to put in one stitch. I’m sure if I hadn’t urged him to go somewhere, he would have just wrapped it up in some paper towel and left it. He doesn’t do very well when it comes to cleaning and taking care of wounds. He has a very “meh” attitude when it comes to his injuries . . . so long as he can complain about it πŸ˜‰

  • six58 says:

    “Vasectomy.”
    “Have sex with you?”

    hahaha.

  • Yeesh. I hurt just reading it!

  • wholuvsya says:

    my father was once messing with his freshly sharpened chainsaw and split one of his fingers wide open…hours later he said to my mom, “oh maybe I should go to the er for this?” he literally had blood running down his arm *shakes head* men…

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