Stuff I’ve said to my two year old lately:

“We don’t lick Nana”
“Fruit goes in your mouth, not your vagina”
“The kitty is telling you that he doesn’t want to be a hat”
“That’s not a chicken, that’s an ostrich, but you were very close”
“Your foot needs to nurse?”
“Bird poop doesn’t need a bath, it will always be yucky”
“It’s a backpack, not a bird, and I don’t know why it’s in the tree”
“Puddle water isn’t as good as the water in your cup”
“Can the pan sleep next to your bed instead?”

She’s been so weird and funny lately. She’s really into animal sounds. Horses go ‘moo’, walrus’ and giraffes go ‘rawr!’ and koalas howl. She’s also told me several times that the baby in her tummy needs to nurse, which is probably from my trying to explain the concept of tandem nursing.
She really wants the chef knife that Curtis keeps using to make dinner.
For the last three days, whenever we leave the house she puts a tiny doll sleeper (for a six inch doll) on her hand, waves it at people and says, “Hello”.
And she thinks valerian smells really good.

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34 Comments

  • unconformed says:

    I have pics of Julian walking around with our kitty on his head. They drive each other nuts- he’ll go pester her while she’s sleeping and awhile later she’ll jump on his back from behind.
    Julian used to have his foot nurse, now his imaginary friends nurse a lot- and his puppets, and rubber ducky, and so on…
    Julian was REALLY into animal noises before his big language explosion. Probably half of his vocabulary before he started using sentences were animal noises.

    • admin says:

      LOL!
      Tempest really wants me to nurse everything right now. She says she has no nub, and mine are better. She has me nurse her dolls, her phone, her feet, balls, books, and her sippy cup.

      • unconformed says:

        Julian always says “Mommy you want some Julian milk?” (milk pronounced meelk) and “nurses” me and his babies.
        Oh, another weird thing- his breath smells like baby milk breath again!!! I must have a ton of colostrum. I even felt full when he was at his dad’s for the first time in ages.

  • dietcokehed says:

    I like “we don’t lick nana” πŸ™‚ Why does she lick nana??

    Also, funny you mention valerian…I was going to ask people in the know about valerian root tea and if it’s safe to give to an 18 month old who WON’T SLEEP >:O I’ve had it for myself and it knocked my ass out. Obviously I wouldn’t give a full serving to a toddler. My chiropractor said she gave her daughter a teaspoon full in a bottle sometimes, but that was when she was a baby baby. So, any advice on that? If it’s safe enough and how much to give?
    Thanks πŸ™‚

    • admin says:

      I’ve never tried a tea, but I’ve given my daughter the inside of a capsule before. I gave her about half of one, and I usually take two. They never make me sleepy (nothing ever does…), they just help me to wind down.

      I have no idea how much to give! I just estimate.
      If you’re using tea, and not tincture/capsule, I’d feel pretty safe with 1/4 to 1/3 of what you’d usually have.

    • admin says:

      PS. She licks nana because she’s really into licking right now. I have no idea why. She thinks it’s very funny, though. Nana hates to be licked.

  • mommajm says:

    ROFL PIMP! I’ve been away on vacation in the mountains without internet. I’ve missed you and Tempest and I’m so over-tired that I really needed this. Hugs.

  • lol, that’s how it is around here too. Especaily with the cat. Although Sean has never worn her as a hat. Mostly we tell him, “Sean, the kitty cat doesn’t want you to lay on her.”

  • Oh, LOL! That made me laugh so hard. I wonder why there was a backpack in the tree…

    • admin says:

      I have no idea. The kid upstairs did it about three days ago. The backpack is full of stuff, too – I don’t know why it’s still there. It’s been pouring rain and I see him just pass by it every day…

  • raisangrrl says:

    hehehehehehehehehe, She’s so funny.

  • mamygirl says:

    *dying*

    What a lovely mother you are. I love your responses.. I especially like, “The kitty is telling you that he doesn’t want to be a hat”

    Ayla thinks yucky herbs smell good, too. And taste good. She begs for the immune support combination, which I couldn’t gag down if I were dying. Well, maybe if I were dying..

  • “The kitty is telling you that he doesn’t want to be a hat”

    Bwa ha ha! Ha ha ha!

  • robynz says:

    Valerian DOES smell good! At least the valerian root I have for my cats, does.

  • azdesertrose says:

    “The kitty is telling you that he doesn’t want to be a hat.”

    Imagining Tempest attempting to wear the kitty as a hat has got to be the funniest thought to cross my mind in a good while.

    Is that Tempest and kitty in your “RAWR” icon?

    • admin says:

      Sure is. Big picture here. She was seven months old.

      Our cats are REALLY easy-going. Really, really. She can literally pick them up by the feet and drag them around the house and only occasionally get a light warning scratch (which, unfortunately, she ignores most of the time). Featured in that picture is Chloe, but Moe is the big lazy one. He’ll be laying on the couch and she’ll run up and ram her head into his belly, grab his legs and front paws and then try and pull him off while he’s attached to her head (IE. a hat). He doesn’t care for this too much, but he NEVER does anything about it!! Stupid cat.

      • azdesertrose says:

        ROTFLMAO. The funniest thing about that pic is that the cat looks intimidated by the baby.

        Another great mental image, Tempest running up to the cat.

        That’s one laid-back cat. Are you sure no one’s slipping him the ganja on the sly? (Just kidding)

        • admin says:

          My mom says we must have fixed him too early, or something. Moe is just a big fuzzbag. He just doesn’t care. She will literally roll him across the floor, down the hallway. Once I caught her pinning him down and brushing his teeth.
          this photo is the bigger version of this icon, and just an example of what he puts up with from her. She <3's her Moe. He was one of her first words, even.

          • azdesertrose says:

            Moe sounds like a feline version of Neil, the German Shepherd cross that my parents had when I was little. I could pull his ears, pull his tail, sit on him, ride around on his back and he just didn’t care at all.

            It’s a good thing for pets like that, though, when there are small children about the house.

            ROTFLMAO at the image of Tempest brushing Moe’s teeth.

            • admin says:

              Moe and Chloe are siblings, and they’re both like that – Moe much more so. Ziyal, their mother, won’t put up with it so she just stays back. The few times Tempest has cornered her, she’s always been very gentle. She gives her plenty of warning and NEVER seriously scratches her. It must be a sort of mothering instinct. Ziyal could do big damage if she wanted to, especially since she spent her first 1-2 years as a feral animal… but she never does, and never has.
              Pumpkin is way too fast to be caught, and Tempest usually ignores her.

              • azdesertrose says:

                Catarina, the cat in my icon, took a bite out of Stephani when Steph was about two. But the child kept pulling the cat’s tail, despite repeated warnings from the grown ups (“Don’t pull the kitty’s tail or the kitty will bite or scratch you”) and more than a few warning swipes and hisses from the cat.

                Roxanne, the other family cat, just stayed away from Steph, and actually largely still does. Roxie’s the original scaredy-cat, anyway.

  • zeldazonk says:

    LOL!!! Tempest is so bright! I didn’t even know where my vagina was at 2!
    πŸ˜›

  • admin says:

    I have, briefly – but the idea of giving my toddler a toy knife just seems really outrageous to me. Maybe if it was really unrealistic, like made of wood, but otherwise that just weirds me out. Especially since she’s into a poking and hitting stage right now.

  • fkgirl says:

    That made me LOL…good stuff

  • idiolecto says:

    Sigh. Not a day goes by when someone isn’t told to stick fruit up her vagina in my household.

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